Yeah, I’m just going to internalize this stuff. This one friend of mine was just amazing, man, in how he came up with this. I don’t think a woman would’ve had that breakthrough but he could because he identified it as something that would make a man feel out of control.

Please do not be ashamed of an unconscious defensive reaction that evolved from your childhood experiences either. Embracing your dark side and acknowledging it exists is important but please do your best to avoid attaching a value to it.

Holding off on contacting your fellow is a very good idea because processing these realizations will take time and the more at ease you are with them, the better for any future relationships.

Be gentle and kind to yourself, my dear. {{{{Eme}}}}}

Scorpio’s penetrating vision and willingness to use a scalpel to lance the wounds it finds may not be easy or comfortable, but if we can accept the necessity of doing so, we have an opportunity to really start healing wounds long ignored.”

This is exactly what happened. I figured out something very important about what I’m doing to repel men. A very good straight male friend helped me out with this and he was amazing. Absolutely amazing. Of course, it’s related to my Pluto/Uranus/Jupiter conjunction in the 3r house: Without even realizing it, I grill men. Somehow I just figure out where they’re most vulnerable and put my finger on it. The weird thing is, I don’t have to do a lot of probing at all. They just tell me on their own accord. But afterward, they feel so vulnerable that they run. Now, I’ve had this knack all my life, ever since I was a little girl, in fact, and have always felt deeply deeply ashamed of it. Because I know I hurt people but I’m not doing this consciously, really. It makes me feel toxic, that’s for sure, because after seeing people’s reactions and they bolt, it reinforces my sense of abandonment. My friend has known me for 22 years and so he pointed out that I do this when I feel vulnerable. It’s an unconscious way of getting control by making the other person feel like he’s lost control. The reason I know this is true is because I’m very disconnected from it, when it’s happening. Anyway, I just did this to a guy some weeks ago, a man who was working very hard to earn my trust and doing all the right things. I was suspicious of him regardless. (Interestingly, I was also suspicious of my broker. He very shrewdly guessed that it had do with him being male and he went out of his way to make me comfortable.) Anyway, both of those interactions, along with my friend’s brilliant and nonjudgmental insight lead to this huge breakthrough. Well, duh, no wonder I’m afraid of relationships: my real father beat my mother, he abandoned me at the age of 7, my mother remarried an abusive man and then refused to do anything to correct the situation. I am not beating myself up too badly about it although, undeniably, it is an aspect of my personality that causes me great shame and pain. I am still trying to figure out whether I should reach out to this guy who I freaked out or whether that would freak him out more. The key is that I don’t want to do it out with the hope (however infinitesimal) of getting him to call again. I want to do it honestly but don’t know if I’ve arrived at that point yet. I know that, either way, if he doesn’t respond, it’ll hurt. I’ve consulted the iChing and it says to do nothing: “we are at the dynamic moment in which an inner world change is beginning to precipitate into an outer world change; whether the change is carried to completion depends on our not interfering and on our seeking guidance from the Sage of the iChing and following it.”

Thank you for warning me about tSaturn conjoining my Uranus-Jupiter. It’s a little sobering in light of the fact that I’ve signed a lease on a new apartment that’s a little more than I wanted to pay. (But, on the other hand, I can also be very disciplined about $$. I guess I have no choice now!) Many smooches to you!

Please remember you have Uranus virtually standing on top of your Moon-NN triggering the T-square with Pluto. If you do decide to cut people out of your life, this is the time to do it because this transit completely supports that.

It’s pretty hard for Pisces Moon or Moon in aspect to Neptune not to idealize those we love. Just keep in mind it’s also OK to give ‘em tough love!

Oddly enough, I had no problem with turning 40. I was also single at that time and THAT I was not happy about. But there was a wall I still needed to hit a few more times before completely collapsing in despair – allowing real change to enter.

Note too tSaturn conjoined your Uranus-Jupiter. Now is not a good time to trust your “Luck.” It’s camel tethering time!! Back up your data and make sure you double check everything.

I’m having a very difficult day. Emotionally it just sucks. I feel tremendous sorrow and rage about not having a love life. I simply cannot find a place of grace about it. I’m at the point in which I feel completely idiotic about having felt hopeful about love. Also, I hate being 40. I just hate it.

Dad is seventy-one. I don’t know his birth time, but figured out that he has Saturn in Aries.

*Yay*.

Nothing quite like family for getting your buttons pushed. Guilt was my mom’s favorite too.

Sounds like you need another “time out” from your dad. When parents start behaving like children, it is a huge burden for their children. Very sad and all too common.

How old is your dad? Is he approaching his second Saturn Return?

That was the last straw. I warned dad that I would change my number if he didn’t chill out. I just can’t take the pain anymore…