This week’s question comes from Amber in Fairport, New York:

My chart has some difficult relationship stuff in it … I’m three times divorced and have been in a very difficult soul mate relationship for almost six years. It will never be what I want it to be because of his circumstances, but neither one of us can let go. I really feel like I’m not destined to be alone, yet finding a life-long partner has eluded me. Do I have any hope of finding a partner? Thanks for your help – I’m pretty good at reading natal charts but the transit stuff is confusing for me to figure out on my own.

First of all, Amber, I agree that you’re not destined to be alone. When I hear clients say they want a partner but have a hard time finding one, the first thing I look for in the chart is a clue about why they fear what they want most.

I edited your question for length, but note that you did mention your Venus-Chiron conjunction in the fifth house, opposite Pluto and Uranus. This is a pretty big hint, especially since Venus is your chart ruler. Uranus, meanwhile, is the ruler of your independent-minded Aquarius Sun.

Venus in Pisces wants to merge completely with a soul mate. But how can you do that when you need to preserve your freedom at all costs? I’m also wondering whether your soft, feminine side feels vulnerable, and perhaps you don’t want to let it show. As women in this era, we’ve been taught that delicate femininity is a sign of weakness and dependence on a man, and there’s nothing more shameful than that!

Moreover, you have a potent conjunction of the Sun and Mars in Aquarius. You value freedom, independence, and self-sufficiency, and heaven forbid that anyone – especially a spouse – should ever try to put you in a box or tell you what to do.

When we have this kind of internal conflict, we tend to choose partners who aren’t the best for us and who aren’t what we want. In your case, you also may have unconsciously chosen someone who isn’t accessible. Under these circumstances, you don’t have to fear suffocation, imprisonment, compromised integrity, and all the other things that make Aquarius hyperventilate.

In an ironic way, your Venus-Pluto opposition may serve your need for freedom. As long as you obsess about someone, you don’t have to face your demons.

Saturn currently is in your twelfth house, and I think this is helping to prepare you for a truly committed relationship. Beliefs and behaviors that don’t serve you anymore are getting dumped overboard. This may leave you feeling empty and depressed when Saturn crosses your Ascendant next fall. However, I think this important transit will mark a shift in your relationship patterns. You likely will break off the unworkable relationship then, too – if not before.

I wish you all the best, Amber, and thanks for writing.

Pat

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