As many of you know, next Wednesday’s lunar eclipse falls exactly on my Sun at 13 degrees Aquarius. Being an astrologer doesn’t ease the jitters. I have to tell you, I’m very anxious.

When I counsel clients, I ask whether they can recall what happened at the last eclipse in whatever position we’re concerned about. Eclipse cycles run every 19 years, so in my case and for anyone who has personal planets near this degree of Aquarius and Leo, we want to look at significant events around Aug. 5, 1990.

I was in a committed relationship that year with the man I considered the love of my life. We were both reporters in Washington, D.C., and were rubbing elbows with high-level government officials. In June, his father died unexpectedly of a heart attack. His mother was dying of cancer and had been at home, with his father as her primary caretaker. His death threw everything into turmoil, and we left our jobs and moved to the West Coast.

His mother died two months later. For the better part of a year afterward, we were both in shock and totally disoriented. Finding work was hard, and we made ends meet largely with the help of long-time friends and neighbors of his parents. My ex grew up there, so he was at least on his home turf. I was completely out of my element, and after a “power career” was stunned to find my worth measured by how well I cooked, kept house, and hunted for bargains.

All of the hardship notwithstanding, moving to California changed my life for the better in ways I would not understand until several years later. If there’s a moral to the story, that’s probably it. We have to take it on faith that we’re heading in the right direction, and if we insist on going down the wrong road come hell or high water, course correction typically is very painful.

“How painful?” is the question I’m asking myself now. In scientific research, there’s a test called the LD-50, used to determine the level of toxicity required to kill half the test subjects, usually rats or mice. I’ve often joked about being a guinea pig in the cosmic lab, and in these last few days before another critical eclipse, I’m wondering whether the dose of life will be lethal or whether, once again, I’ll manage to live through it.

It’s said that knowledge is power, but knowledge is only half the equation. For it to be any good, you have to know how to apply it. That’s why astrology is a lifelong study. No matter how good we get, there’s always more to know. It’s also pretty much a given that we are too close to our own issues to be objective.

Before I end, I’d just like to thank you all again for being a part of our fledgling community and for sharing your stories. I wish I could share more with you about what’s happening for me, but I am not able at this time, and I can’t even tell you why not. And no, I am not having a sign-change operation to turn me into a Scorpio!

Much love and courage to all,
Pat

Image: The road to Los Glaciares National Park in Argentina. Photo by Natacha Pisarenko for The Associated Press, 2009.