This week’s question comes from Anita in Maryland:

I am currently in a relationship with a Cancer man who is very special. However, the last three weeks have been awful. We seem to miscommunicate and hurt each other’s feelings so easily. This isn’t the first time this has happened. We were apart for most of January of this year. I really love him and I know that he wants to take some time, but is there any insight you can give us to understand each other better?

Pat’s response:

Anita, there’s a lot going on between the two of you to explain the rough spots, but the immediate problem you’re describing has the marks of Mercury retrograde all over it.

During Mercury retrograde periods, even the best relationships can suffer from miscommunications. Relationships that aren’t on sound footing can fall apart (it has happened to me a few times in my life). This Mercury retrograde was particularly hard on your relationship, because Mercury was sitting on your Descendant, an important chart angle that is the cusp of the seventh house. The seventh house rules marriage and committed partnerships.

Mercury returned direct on September 29, and he’ll cross back over your Descendant a week from today. At that time, you should be able to discuss your most recent problems and get some clarity as to where the breakdown occurred.

Since you indicate that you’ve had ongoing issues, you likely will have to address those, too, and fortunately we’re coming up on a great time for you to do so. Not only will Mercury be in your seventh house, but there’s a New Moon in this area of your chart on October 18 that should help you get a fresh start with your sweetie.

In the meantime, I strongly advise you to get a reading with a qualified astrologer to help you understand the broader aspects between you. I encourage you to ask your partner for his permission to do this and to see whether he’d like to join you for the reading. This is the ethical thing to do, and it will help build trust between you.

I think you’re going to be just fine, but do write and let us know how it goes.

Neith’s response:

Anita, when it comes to relationships, the first thing I always do is look at the natal charts for information on behaviors and habit patterns both people bring with them. Natal aspects to the Moon and Mercury can hold the keys to our habit patterns (Moon) and the way we communicate (Mercury).

On one hand, your Mercury in Aquarius is trine Uranus, blessing you with an innovative, brilliant mind. On the other, it is square Neptune, ruler of your Sun sign, Pisces. I suspect that when emotions enter the picture, you start second guessing yourself, leading to confusion. Be thankful your Moon is generally well-aspected, giving you a high degree of emotional stability.

Your Cancer man has Mercury square Jupiter and Uranus – great for jumping to conclusions before all the facts are in. Since we don’t have a birth time for him, it is not possible to determine whether his Moon is in late Pisces or early Aries. However, in either case Uranus will oppose his Moon, increasing his need for lots of space and feeling emotionally independent.

Pluto in Capricorn conjoining your Moon and squaring his natal Moon-Uranus opposition was the likely culprit triggering the problems you two have been experiencing. Pluto has a way of introducing us to our issues with control and our little obsessions. When it comes to Pluto and Uranus, the tighter Pluto tries to hold on, the faster Uranus will run.

Does any of this sound familiar, Anita? If so, then perhaps an honest discussion about how much space you both need to really appreciate your time together is in order. You both have your Mercury in air signs, enabling you to articulate your feelings, very important for two water sign-Sun people.

Have faith in yourself, Anita, and do your best to keep your hands open, not clenched. Good luck!!

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