Ask Real Astrologers: Why Can’t Mom and Daughter Get Along?

This week’s question comes from Charlotte in Pennsylvania:

My daughter and I can’t seem to be in the same room for very long. Her Saturn and Mars are conjunct my Moon and Uranus in the ninth house. Could this be the culprit? Her Moon sits on her Ascendant at 7 Virgo. She is an emotional basket case, and I’m raising her child … Any insight would be very helpful.

P.S She thinks she’s pregnant again!

Libra ponders . . .

Neith’s response:

Charlotte, not only is her Saturn-Mars conjunct your Moon-Uranus, but her Uranus conjoins your Ascendant, only adding to the unpredictability factor. I would not be surprised to find that you both think the other is impulsive and very independent-minded.

However, you two do have many parallel signatures in your natal charts. You both have Moon square Neptune, Venus aspecting Neptune, Venus aspecting Pluto, and natal Moon-Uranus aspects. These parallels hold out hope for greater understanding between you, but it may take some doing to end up in the same place at the same time long enough to get there.

Saturn in Libra will conjoin her Pluto in October 2010 and your Sun in December 2010. Since her Pluto is closely inconjunct her Venus-Jupiter in Taurus, it does look like that transit is going to be an important one for her. Perhaps she will be forced into taking responsibility in some way, or at the very least her pursuit of pleasure will be curtailed.

If she is indeed pregnant again, you may be in the unenviable position of having to decide whether or not you have the resources, both emotional and financial, to rear another child. Is there anyone you can talk this over with? Here is where a neutral third party could do you both a world of good.

I wish you well, Charlotte, in finding your path to resolution of your relationship with your daughter. There are no easy answers, as no doubt you are already aware.

Aquarius expounds . . .

Pat’s response:

Charlotte, I agree with Neith that this is a difficult chart combination with no easy answers. It reminds me of those times when I know that planetary transits are interfering with my ability to relate to others or to one person in particular, and still I can’t keep myself from doing or saying the wrong thing. In such cases, astrology can help us understand the obstacles in our path, but finding a way to remove them is another matter.

Still, at least you know what you are dealing with — and, by the way, you get major points for seeing that difficult aspect in your synastry chart. It certainly is the one that leapt out at me right away!

Another thing that immediately got my attention is your very tight Sun-Saturn opposition. With your Saturn opposite your daughter’s Sun, I’m guessing that you feel duty bound to parent her, for better or for worse, and her stubborn Taurus nature is going to naturally resist anyone telling her what to do. You’ve probably already figured out that the more you try to advise her or guide her, the more she tunes you out. I’m guessing that she perceives you as controlling, whether or not you actually are.

I would certainly be concerned that she is back in the vicinity and possibly pregnant. As Neith wisely pointed out, you will have to set your boundaries. At this point, it is up to you to focus on your own personal growth and awareness, and to let your daughter grow and develop in her own way, in her own time.

What becomes of your granddaughter is another question, of course. You didn’t give us her chart information, but she is an integral part of this equation and will become more of one the older she gets. Until then, her welfare has to be the primary consideration. Because she is a minor, circumstances may require family counseling at some point. More and more therapists are incorporating astrology into their practice. Hopefully you will be able to find one who understands the difficult dynamics and can help you work through it.

I join Neith in wishing you the best of luck. Thank you so much for writing.

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