This week’s question comes from Yolanda in Clark, N.J.:

I have been having problems with my Taurus partner, whose Venus is in Pisces. I am a Pisces with Venus in Aquarius. I’m having crazy dreams about him cheating and I would like to know how I should approach the discussion. I believe he may not be truthful, as he doesn’t want to hurt my feelings.

I feel that we do have a future, but both need to be honest about our insecurities and let go. But this may be the end of the road. Help!

Yolanda, I am so glad you asked this question. It’s one that astrologers get all of the time, and I happen to feel very strongly about it.

There simply is no way to know by looking at someone’s chart whether they are cheating. Period. Any astrologer who even attempts to answer this question has no ethics, and that makes anything else they tell you suspect. Now, technically you didn’t ask whether your Taurus partner was cheating, but thanks for letting me get that off my chest. As I said, I have very strong feelings about “right use” of astrology.

What we can do is to have a look at why you believe your partner is cheating and, more to the point, what you can do about it.

People with strong Pisces in their charts do have a “nose” for finding information that eludes everyone else, and sometimes we get handed these messages in dreams. However, we have to be extremely careful in using this information.

Neptune, the modern ruler of Pisces, has two sides. One side is highly intuitive, psychic, creative, and visionary, while the other side is subject to delusion and has an over-active imagination that can come up with some pretty wild worst-case scenarios. No matter what you’re dreaming, you need to validate it with facts before presenting it to others, especially if you’re accusing them of something.

It’s very common to be attracted to someone besides our partner. We can’t help that, and it’s not cheating as long as we don’t act on it. However, this can be trouble for Pisces, because we’re strong empaths and pick up on the thoughts and feelings of those around us. So, for example, if your partner was attracted to another woman or having thoughts about someone else, you might pick up on that and then dream of him cheating. I’m not saying that’s what’s happening; only that it is a strange phenomenon we see often with Pisces people.

When a partner is seeking sex outside of the relationship, there usually are signs. Does he stay out late with no explanation? Do you smell someone else’s perfume on his clothes? Does the phone ring, and when you pick it up, the caller hangs up? If so, it’s fair to ask about those anomalies. But if you have no real evidence, then there is not any “right” way to present your fears to a Taurus or to any other sign. Until you have something concrete to go on, your fear that he may be cheating is just that.

It would be entirely appropriate to initiate a general discussion about fidelity, what it means to you, and why you believe it’s important in a relationship. Be sure to listen closely to his views. If he doesn’t share your feelings about fidelity, then you need to get that straightened out immediately. You might also want to discuss your feelings about honesty. Of course, this means you need to be prepared to hear some uncomfortable truth.

One obstacle I suspect you may be facing is that neither of you likes conflict and would rather not initiate discussions that might lead to an argument. Moreover, your boyfriend has Mercury in Taurus, which prefers a direct, matter-of-fact approach to issues but doesn’t like being pushed to agree with you. The more you try to convince him of your way of doing things, the more he’ll dig in his heels and resist you.

As for those “insecurities, I’d like to point out that transiting Saturn is moving back toward your Moon at 27 degrees Virgo. He aligned with your Moon in early October 2009, and he will stop at the same degree as he’s coming out of retrograde in late May. Fortunately, this only happens once every 28 years or so, because during this time we can feel terribly isolated, lonely, abandoned … and, yes, emotionally insecure.

I wish you lots of courage, Yolanda. Let us know how it goes.

Pat

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