With Venus, Mercury, and Mars all now in Libra, this Libra person’s thoughts have turned to the astrology of relationships and what we can do to keep our relationships running smoothly.
I have Chiron conjunct my Libra Sun natally and consequently have given a great deal of thought to how to avoid wounding both my partner and myself. Much of what I’ve learned was done the hard way but not all, thankfully. I actually paid attention to different concepts I came across in books on managing one’s relationships.
One of the keys to a lasting partnership is to choose one’s battles wisely. I have natal Mars in Scorpio square Pluto in Leo, which gives a tendency to bring the nuclear option to the battlefield. Obviously this was not a great idea, so it was necessary to walk away more often than not. In the process I found out that most issues we fight over are minor in the bigger picture, and simply calling a time out for a day or two will usually be enough to let the matter slide. The really important issues – the deal breakers – don’t go away and require a different strategy.
We have so few role models on how to fight fairly. Books, movies, and TV shows all portray couples saying very hurtful things to each other, storming around, sometimes actually being physically abusive, and then making up like none of that happened. We can reprogram ourselves to not go down that road. It’s possible to disagree without saying things like “you are wrong.” If we claim our feelings and use “I” instead of pointing the finger by saying “you,” it is easier to keep anger and resentment from escalating.
Libra is all about equity and justice and, often as not, given to compromise. While we have a strong Libra influence in the sky, it is a good time to take a look and see if we are practicing compromise and fairness in the way we interact with our nearest and dearest. Practicing moderation, another Libra favorite, never hurts either. Another idea I’m personally fond of is attempting to behave in a manner so I’m not running around apologizing all the time. Everyone benefits from hearing a kind word and receiving a thoughtful gesture.
I know I’m such a Libra, but we’re pretty good people on the whole. :::grin:::
posted by Neith . . .
I certainly appreciate this perspective! :) Seems like “fighting fairly” is just another way to say “diplomacy” – how do you reconcile two parties’ mismatched goals and keep everyone in the game? I think you make such a great point…. we think of “fighting” as something to be avoided and sweep it under the rug when it’s over. But it is so much better to just get it done right in the process. This is not “new” territory for me in thinking (as a Libra) but it is new territory in playing it out… in my last relationship the nuclear option was the only one (Sun-Moon-Pluto t-square in the composite?), and in my current one it is a source of continuous marvel how it is possible to disagree and “fight” without hurting each other….such an education.
I should have known you would be the first to comment on this very Libra post! :-) While not everyone may feel the same about this, Libra types need encouragement to step up and disagree in the first place. Peace at any price is not an option in a lasting relationship because the “price” is too high IMO.
With Libra North Node, this is an area I am such a novice in! Many years ago, I lived with a Libra man for a couple of years and he amazed me in how he would talk things out. Unfortunately, I haven’t had enough practice in it since, and with Chiron on my Descendant (opposite my Moon) and Pluto conjoined my Venus (and conjunct my Mercury), it’s always seemed such a scary proposition to broach disagreements and voice needs. Never saw it done very well at home, to put it mildly. Anyway, I’m back trying to learn about it from books…
Mars is in Libra? Then he’s transiting my natal Mars, or will soon. No wonder I’ve been bridling and seething more than usual about, well, *everything* related to fairness and equality! Doesn’t help that the epitome of unfairness (IMO) is squatting in my city, holding their political convention, while there are demonstrations and mini-riots raging in the streets around town between citizens and cops. God, the whole metro area has lost its collective mind!
Ooh, this is such a great post! I think another problem that people run into is thinking that *their* opinion is the only one that counts or that someone has to be right. But sometimes no one is right or wrong, there’s just different perspectives and trying to deny the other’s experience for the sake of being right is not loving at all. I found that John Gottesman’s books are very helpful. Sometimes people just don’t know how to communicate about what bothers them and so they choose to keep it all inside until it erupts!
I… often get steamed up, release the steam by snapping and shouting and maybe the odd slamming of doors (wellmaybe not so odd…)in order to push my Ca other half into responding (he refuses to argue)… And then we sit down and talk it out and it usually ends in a compromise (me=lib asc). Wetalk andtalk and talk all the time about things …
In the big wide world, I always get steamed up behind the scenes and will blow steam to friends and usually in private – very rarely do I do the flounce in public…
Excellent and helpful post, Neith. As one with South Node in Libra and Mars in Taurus (detriment)square Pluto, plus Moon in Aries, placating yet at the same time sitting on a positive cauldron of unexpressed anger, is a scenario I am all too familiar with.
Trouble is, I am only too aware of how self critical and ultra sensitive to criticism I am and therefore I find it hard to state what’s bothering me in any shape or form for fear that the other person will tell me what’s bothering them (about me!).
Not good, obviously. Methinks my Aries North Node (conj Moon) has some lessons for me here ….