This week’s question comes from Ellie in the U.K.:

After a lifetime of terrible times and disappointments in love, I met someone wonderful. We have been together nearly a year and are very close, happy and there is a lot of laughter. I got worried because astrology seems to state that I’m just not supposed to have this sort of love in my life. So many aspects state that this currently lovely relationship is actually doomed. First, my Saturn in the seventh house is also in fall in Aries, I understand that to mean there will be no long-term happiness for me in relationships. In addition, my partner has Uranus in his Rising Sign Cancer, which I learn means he does not commit, has unstable emotions, and will eventually leave me out of boredom or need for freedom.

I’m determined not to make this a self-fulfilling prophecy but this all points to the fact that I’m probably setting myself up for the worst heartbreak of all time. This has really affected my feelings towards my partner who I love dearly because I’ve been through enough sadness already. Is there any hope? Can I change this at all?

Pat’s response:

Ellie, first I’d like to note that your question was much longer, but we have to edit for length. Also, you did not provide your birth data, which we must have in order to answer questions. I would just like to ask everyone please to follow the instructions and provide your birth data and current location.

We decided to make an exception for your question because of the general concept you pose, which is that the astrological outlook for your love life appears to be unfavorable, and therefore you are depressed, even though you appear to have found a very nice relationship.

My advice to you is going to sound harsh, but I feel the need to make this point very strongly. If astrology is making you depressed, then you need to stop using this tool and find something else that works better for you.

Astrology is meant to be a tool for self-discovery and growth, and predictions are not hard and fast. There are always many possible outcomes. There are some things we can’t change, but just as we learn to live with certain genetic and environmental handicaps, we can work around our energetic makeup (which is what your natal chart describes). I like to use the metaphor of sailing. What you come into this world with corresponds to the boat. You put it out to sea and navigate according to the currents and weather conditions. If your boat is small and slow, you can still arrive at your goal, but it may take more skill and planning. In extreme cases, you may be limited in how far you can get with your particular boat, but even then, you aren’t doomed. Diana, the former Princess of Wales, wanted to be a ballet dancer, but she was too tall. Instead, she ended up becoming one of the most beloved and influential women in the world.

Usually, when a reader presents a complicated question such as yours, we recommend a complete reading with a skilled astrologer. However, going into a reading with this many preconceived notions would not be helpful or productive. My advice to you is just to enjoy your relationship and forget astrology for now. Once you feel solid ground under your feet, then if you wish to explore the various facets of your personality and relationship with this special man, you can give it another go.

I hope this doesn’t sound too critical. I just want you to have the best chance of success with your relationship possible.

Wishing you much love and courage.

Neith’s response:

Ellie, I have to say the first thing that came to mind after reading your plea for help was to wonder why are you going there? Is there some reason you believe you are not loveable? And if so, perhaps that is where you need to start.

Earlier this year I was talking with a very good Libra woman friend of mine who had started seeing a man who treated her with the appreciation and respect she deserved. She had spent many years in counseling to overcome a difficult childhood and is in the process of regaining her self-respect. She and her sweetheart ran into a typical communication glitch and it threw her. My question for her was similar to the one I have for you: “Why are you tearing yourself down and starting to sabotage your relationship? Don’t you realize you are a loveable person and it’s OK for you to be happy?” She agreed with me.

What you have run into with what you are reading about astrology is a very common experience. It takes an experienced astrologer to see the whole picture because taking aspects out of context can be very confusing and misleading. I agree with Pat about forgetting about the astrology and going back to enjoying your relationship with a man you obviously care for.

My suggestion would be to find an astrologer you trust to give you honest feedback and get a second opinion before throwing away what sounds like a great situation.

Good luck!

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