Ask Real Astrologers: Will I Ever Have an Intimate Relationship?

Looking for AnswersThis week’s question comes from Dee in Maryland:

Since my Sun is in Libra, I understand that a major focus in my life is on relationships. However, intimate and romantic relationships seem to be the most difficult thing for me. I have only had about two boyfriends ever and they were pretty much incompatible, thus short-lived.

So, being a pretty much independent (solitary) person for most of my life, I’ve been recently feeling a yearning to become more partnership orientated. I’m sure that some other aspects in my chart have something to do with this paradox. Do you see anything there that could shed some light? I feel that maybe I’ve been too idealistic in my search for partners and am a little guarded in general to the possibilities.

Beautifully stated, Dee – and so perfectly Libra. Incidentally, you not only have Sun in Libra, but it’s in the seventh house, traditionally associated with Libra, in conjunction with Mercury. That’s a lot of Libra!

Your chart is not so horribly relationship-challenged that you are destined to be alone forever, but I do see a couple of difficult aspects. Fortunately, you can overcome these challenges with a bit of work.

The first issue I see is that you have Saturn in your fifth house, which rules romance and pleasure. Saturn is a limiting influence, and his position in the birth chart indicates where we are the most insecure and fearful. Moreover, he’s in Cancer, which is the sign of his detriment. Cancer is emotionally sensitive and thus tends to be cautious and protective. All of this tells me that you may feel very vulnerable in love and afraid of being hurt.

Your Saturn also is “afflicted” by a square to Uranus, which is where you get that independent streak. Taken to the extreme, you may go to great lengths to let others know how much you don’t need them in an attempt to hide just how vulnerable you feel. In your mind, showing your soft underbelly would be akin to giving them the gun and ammo and showing them exactly where to shoot. And yet, to form deep, intimate relationships, we must let others see our most vulnerable places. If you could work on this area, I think you’d see some favorable results.

The second potential difficulty I see in your chart is that Mercury, ruler of your seventh house, is retrograde. Lots of people have Mercury retrograde in their birth chart, and this alone doesn’t mean you have difficulty with relationships. But when he’s retrograde in Libra and rules your seventh house, then there’s a potential stumbling block.

In addition to doing some work to overcome your fears regarding intimacy, you might also work on understanding where others are coming from. This would help you realize that they feel vulnerable, too. We all have a dual capacity for hurting others and being hurt. The need for balance in that regard should be easy to grasp for someone with all of your Libra!

As for why you’re delving into these issues now, I’d “blame” Saturn again. He’s currently transiting your seventh house, and so your attention is being focused on relationships and the fact that you’re not finding fulfillment in this area of life, which indeed is critical for Libra.

Since you’ve started studying astrology, you might use it as a tool to help you with these issues. I’d also recommend a complete reading to help you understand more about your birth charts and current transits. I do telephone consultations, but if you’d rather see someone in person, do a search to find out who’s available in your area.

I know you will find true love, Dee. Thanks for writing.

Aquarius, the sign of astrologyPat

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