Ask Real Astrologers: Will I Ever Find a Partner?

Looking for AnswersThis week’s question comes from Amber in Fairport, New York:

My chart has some difficult relationship stuff in it … I’m three times divorced and have been in a very difficult soul mate relationship for almost six years. It will never be what I want it to be because of his circumstances, but neither one of us can let go. I really feel like I’m not destined to be alone, yet finding a life-long partner has eluded me. Do I have any hope of finding a partner? Thanks for your help – I’m pretty good at reading natal charts but the transit stuff is confusing for me to figure out on my own.

First of all, Amber, I agree that you’re not destined to be alone. When I hear clients say they want a partner but have a hard time finding one, the first thing I look for in the chart is a clue about why they fear what they want most.

I edited your question for length, but note that you did mention your Venus-Chiron conjunction in the fifth house, opposite Pluto and Uranus. This is a pretty big hint, especially since Venus is your chart ruler. Uranus, meanwhile, is the ruler of your independent-minded Aquarius Sun.

Venus in Pisces wants to merge completely with a soul mate. But how can you do that when you need to preserve your freedom at all costs? I’m also wondering whether your soft, feminine side feels vulnerable, and perhaps you don’t want to let it show. As women in this era, we’ve been taught that delicate femininity is a sign of weakness and dependence on a man, and there’s nothing more shameful than that!

Moreover, you have a potent conjunction of the Sun and Mars in Aquarius. You value freedom, independence, and self-sufficiency, and heaven forbid that anyone – especially a spouse – should ever try to put you in a box or tell you what to do.

When we have this kind of internal conflict, we tend to choose partners who aren’t the best for us and who aren’t what we want. In your case, you also may have unconsciously chosen someone who isn’t accessible. Under these circumstances, you don’t have to fear suffocation, imprisonment, compromised integrity, and all the other things that make Aquarius hyperventilate.

In an ironic way, your Venus-Pluto opposition may serve your need for freedom. As long as you obsess about someone, you don’t have to face your demons.

Saturn currently is in your twelfth house, and I think this is helping to prepare you for a truly committed relationship. Beliefs and behaviors that don’t serve you anymore are getting dumped overboard. This may leave you feeling empty and depressed when Saturn crosses your Ascendant next fall. However, I think this important transit will mark a shift in your relationship patterns. You likely will break off the unworkable relationship then, too – if not before.

I wish you all the best, Amber, and thanks for writing.

Aquarius, the sign of astrologyPat

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3 thoughts on “Ask Real Astrologers: Will I Ever Find a Partner?

  1. les

    I have really conflicting stuff like this in my chart and finding a relationship has been a very long, painful struggle. I leaned more to the freedom side (never married – I’m 52), but could not give up my desire to be in a relationship that worked for me. When Saturn crossed my Ascendant, I took a complete breather for myself from dating/desiring and that was refreshing. After lots of unhelpful advice over the years from everyone from books to friends to astrologers, I found an astrologer who said what I needed to hear, which was that yes, it was hard to find someone to fit me (no, it wasn’t that I wasn’t trying hard enough or didn’t want it enough or even, as had been suggested to me, that something in me I was blind to didn’t want it enough – lord knows I tried to find whatever that was). That was the reality. *But* it wasn’t impossible. Nor was I destined to be alone, either. For me, it just helped to know I wasn’t crazy, that it was harder for me than it seemed to be for so many other people I knew. But also that it could happen. I have found someone that is an unexpected fit, not what I would have looked for but amazingly he lets me be who I am and yet stays committed. Anyway, this blog struck a real chord for me, so I wanted to put my two cents’ worth in. Hang in there, Amber!


  2. Amber

    Thanks Les… and thanks Pat. Everything you said completely resonated… I do have that urge to merge completely, but I’ve never found the right person. And I DO tend to pick unavailable men… either emotionally unavailable, or literally unavailable. Ugh.
    It’s good to know that hope is on the horizon (literally). Maybe this will give me the strength to move toward breaking off this relationship that has kept me stuck for so long.


  3. Pat Post author

    Les, thank you so much for sharing your story. I had a feeling that Amber’s question would strike a chord for many readers. Even without her follow-up note, it was gratifying to hear your personal experience confirming that it would be possible for her to find a suitable partner. I’m also thrilled to hear that it happened for you. :-)

    Amber, I’m glad you found some insight here. I’m always happy when that happens. As Les says, hang in there!


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