Tag Archives: soul mate

Ask Real Astrologers: Did He Ever Love Me?

Looking for AnswersFor this week’s column, I am taking a follow-up question from Carolina in Bilbao, Spain:

I’m just wondering about one comment in your answer, that you think that the strong psychic connection I felt was only one-way. Does it mean that, according to the charts, the love was only from me to him? He didn’t feel love?

From time to time, a reader whose question I’ve answered in this column will e-mail me and ask a follow-up question. Usually, I write back and suggest they schedule a consultation for more information. I’ve never used a follow-up question in this column, and yet I feel compelled to take Carolina’s question, because, once again, I believe she represents many readers (mostly women) who are or have been in similar circumstances.

Carolina, first of all, I realize that my answer to you in last week’s column was not easy for you to hear and wasn’t the answer you wanted. My intent was not to cause you pain but to help you find peace in your heart by resolving your feelings with this man and moving on.

Many women get hung up on this notion of whether the man they were in love with loved them back. I understand the need to have an answer, but astrology can’t provide it. Compatibility charts can tell us whether two people have physical chemistry, whether they can easily share their emotions with each other, how they demonstrate affection, whether the relationship will last, and whether it will be relatively smooth or laden with conflict. We can even tell whether a relationship has endured over many lifetimes.

But you can’t add up all of those components and say “Yes, it’s love,” or “No, it’s not love.” Whether someone is even capable of love depends on their level of personal development. The charts can show us tendencies, that’s all.

We might be tempted to conclude that a man or woman who plays the field isn’t capable of love, but that would be a wrong conclusion. They could feel intense love in that moment and just not wish to commit to a long-term relationship. Put another way, love alone doesn’t determine whether a relationship will last. I’m sure every one of you knows people who loved each other and yet couldn’t make a relationship work.

So, in my mind, the question of whether he ever loved you really isn’t that important. Even if he did, he decided, for whatever reason, that he didn’t want to be in a long-term relationship with you.

And there is where the trouble lies. When someone we love leaves, we want a reason and will make up all kinds of scenarios in our head to avoid the conclusion that we did something wrong or weren’t good enough.

This is why I believe “love gone wrong” is the first step for many people of both genders to start down a path of spiritual awakening. It requires that we look within ourselves, take inventory, and clear out all the baggage and outdated beliefs that hold us back from who we really are and what we want. There is a huge resistance internally to this process, and a broken heart can break down that resistance. There is no doubt that it’s a painful and difficult process, and no one with a heart would wish it on anyone. It just seems to be how we humans are wired.

So, Carolina, please try not to dwell on this question of whether he loved you or not. There’s no answer, and even if there was, it wouldn’t matter. What matters is how you’re going to heal from this experience and awaken to the true nature of who you really are and to the love in your own heart.

Wishing you much love and courage,

Aquarius, the sign of astrologyPat

P.S. To all of you who have written to me recently requesting a Soul Mates Karma Report, please accept my apologies for not responding right away. I’m currently not taking new clients but will get back with you individually and ask whether you’d like to be put on my wait list. Thank you so much for your patience.

Got a quick question? Click here to contact Ask Real Astrologers. You must use this form to contact me, or I won’t get your question. I do read all of your questions, although I am sorry that I can’t answer them all. If you need immediate guidance or in-depth advice, please contact me for a private consultation. THANKS!

Ask Real Astrologers: Will I Ever Find a Partner?

Looking for AnswersThis week’s question comes from Amber in Fairport, New York:

My chart has some difficult relationship stuff in it … I’m three times divorced and have been in a very difficult soul mate relationship for almost six years. It will never be what I want it to be because of his circumstances, but neither one of us can let go. I really feel like I’m not destined to be alone, yet finding a life-long partner has eluded me. Do I have any hope of finding a partner? Thanks for your help – I’m pretty good at reading natal charts but the transit stuff is confusing for me to figure out on my own.

First of all, Amber, I agree that you’re not destined to be alone. When I hear clients say they want a partner but have a hard time finding one, the first thing I look for in the chart is a clue about why they fear what they want most.

I edited your question for length, but note that you did mention your Venus-Chiron conjunction in the fifth house, opposite Pluto and Uranus. This is a pretty big hint, especially since Venus is your chart ruler. Uranus, meanwhile, is the ruler of your independent-minded Aquarius Sun.

Venus in Pisces wants to merge completely with a soul mate. But how can you do that when you need to preserve your freedom at all costs? I’m also wondering whether your soft, feminine side feels vulnerable, and perhaps you don’t want to let it show. As women in this era, we’ve been taught that delicate femininity is a sign of weakness and dependence on a man, and there’s nothing more shameful than that!

Moreover, you have a potent conjunction of the Sun and Mars in Aquarius. You value freedom, independence, and self-sufficiency, and heaven forbid that anyone – especially a spouse – should ever try to put you in a box or tell you what to do.

When we have this kind of internal conflict, we tend to choose partners who aren’t the best for us and who aren’t what we want. In your case, you also may have unconsciously chosen someone who isn’t accessible. Under these circumstances, you don’t have to fear suffocation, imprisonment, compromised integrity, and all the other things that make Aquarius hyperventilate.

In an ironic way, your Venus-Pluto opposition may serve your need for freedom. As long as you obsess about someone, you don’t have to face your demons.

Saturn currently is in your twelfth house, and I think this is helping to prepare you for a truly committed relationship. Beliefs and behaviors that don’t serve you anymore are getting dumped overboard. This may leave you feeling empty and depressed when Saturn crosses your Ascendant next fall. However, I think this important transit will mark a shift in your relationship patterns. You likely will break off the unworkable relationship then, too – if not before.

I wish you all the best, Amber, and thanks for writing.

Aquarius, the sign of astrologyPat

Got a quick question? Click here to contact Ask Real Astrologers. You must use this form to contact me, or I won’t get your question. I do read all of your questions, although I am sorry that I can’t answer them all. If you need immediate guidance or in-depth advice, please contact me for a private consultation. THANKS!

Pluto Direct: Past Lives Coming to the Surface

I’ve never been a big believer in past lives – at least not the idea that we have a soul that remains intact and progresses through human time from incarnation to incarnation.

However, I do believe that our energetic body – our spiritual essence, if you will – has had experiences outside of linear time, and that could explain the phenomenon of feeling as though we’ve lived in another time and place. Never is this feeling more powerful than when we meet someone in this lifetime that we seem to have known before.

Pluto’s return direct at the apex of the cardinal T-square seems to have brought some of these meetings to a crisis, as several clients over the past month have asked for a Soul Mates Karma Report to help them understand their troubled relationship and, for some, disturbing obsession with a love interest. Until this past weekend, when Pluto was at a dead standstill, I didn’t put two and two together.

In almost all of the charts I did, the T-square was making very tight connections to the Moon, Venus, chart angles, or the lunar nodes in the natal chart of the client or the love interest. In some cases, it hit both of their charts very hard, mostly through transits of Saturn or Pluto. Boom – the relationship reaches a tipping point.

For “some reason” (these things are never a coincidence), I recalled a commentary on Pluto I read several years ago in David Pond’s book, Astrology & Relationships. It’s worth thinking about, with Pluto newly direct. I highly recommend the book, by the way, and have added it to my Amazon carousel on the left.

Another source of obsession that should be considered is past lives. Pluto connects us to people whom we have known in many ways in many lives. Past-life ties are confusing if they open you to hunger that cannot be met by the person in this life. It is as if your subconscious memory of who this person was for you in a previous life awakens the hunger for what the relationship offered you in the past. It is doomed to fail because that past relationship is dead, and you will not be able to mold your current relationship to fill this hunger.

This certainly has been the case for several of my clients, who specifically used the word “confused” or “confusing” in their initial message to me.

As I wrote in my Saturday Extra! post on Pluto and obsessions in relationships, spending more time thinking about the obsession rather than trying to put it out of your mind can put you on the path to healing and regeneration. That’s not to say it will be easy or pain-free. Indeed, you likely will have to confront your shadow side, which has to happen before the total regeneration symbolized by Pluto can take place, and for most people, that process is exceptionally hard and may require professional help.

It’s also interesting to note that I’ve received several e-mails from young people who were born in the late 80s, when Saturn, Uranus, and Neptune all were in early Capricorn. Pluto is now transiting these degrees. The Pluto-Neptune conjunction can be a time of serious soul-searching, when you wonder whether your life is based on reality or illusion. Obviously, this can be a great awakening, and that awakening can open up the consciousness to the existence of experiences outside this lifetime. Meeting someone from another incarnation can be the trigger.

That said, it’s not just younger people who are having this experience. Many clients in their late 40s and early 50s are in similar circumstances.

This is definitely a trend to watch, so stay tuned…

Aquarius, the sign of astrologyPat

Image: © Yuri Arcurs/Dreamstime.com

Saturday Extra! Soul Mates Revisited

Psyche et L'Amour, by William-Adolphe Bouguereau, 1889.

Since posting a Friday Q&A column recently on soul mates vs. karmic mates, I’ve received a flood of mail essentially asking the same question.

Although I do repeat questions from time to time, I typically don’t answer the same question in the Friday column more than once or twice. Yet, I didn’t want to leave all of you hanging, without a way to answer this burning question. So I’ve decided to offer a new report, accessible to more people.

Before I talk about that, though, I want to comment on the myth of the soul mate.

There seems to be some idea that a soul mate is that perfect person who will complete us and make us feel whole, and we won’t have to do a thing. All it will take is a fated meeting, a gaze deep into their eyes, and our search will be over. Our lives will change, and everything will be good again.

Our lives do change when we have true love, there is no question. What you don’t often hear is that love takes work to nurture and maintain. To expect otherwise would be like planting a garden and expecting it to grow all by itself, with no effort on your part. Imagine getting luscious, ripe tomatoes with no hoeing, weeding, watering, fertilizing, and an occasional bug.

Of course, it’s also true that you have to plant crops suitable for your climate and soil conditions, or no amount of work will get you the desired results. Likewise, some relationships won’t last no matter how much effort you put into them, but you’ll learn an awful lot about yourself, life, and the nature of the universe. Those are what we call “karmic relationships,” as opposed to a soul mate.

To help you figure out which is which, I decided to start offering the “Karmic Ties” section of my Full Compatibility Report as a stand-alone report, at an affordable price of $59. Like the comprehensive report, it’s based on synastry, which is a method of comparing the relationships between planets and key chart points in one person’s chart with those of their partner.

For this to work best, you’ll need to have an accurate birth time for both people. However, if you don’t know your love interest’s time of birth and can’t get it, I can still tell you a lot. It just won’t be the most complete information, and that means there can be gaps in our understanding.

If, after receiving the Soul Mates Karma Report, you decide you’d like to have the full synastry report, I’ll apply the cost of the short report to the long one.

Hopefully, this will serve to provide more answers to more of you.

Much love and many blessings,
Aquarius, the sign of astrologyPat

Ask Real Astrologers: Soul Mates or Karmic Mates?

Looking for Answers My recent Q&A column on soul mates elicited several similar questions, so I’m taking two of them together this week:

I was with my ex for a year but was having doubts and questioning my relationship with him and saw it falling apart. I’m not sure whether he was in my life for a reason, of which I was to learn and keeping growing from, or more of a spiritual growth as I become more aware. I have never felt such deep, devoted love from him, but I do love him so much, from the heart. Could you give me insight on where things are at? Should we be together, or do we need to move on?  ~ Samantha in Hampshire, England

I’ve connected to a man via the internet on a deeply emotional and open channel. I have, however, started to think that what we may have thought to be a romantic connection is actually more a karmic or soul journey. Are you able to connect any dots looking at both our charts? I’m still a novice when it comes to chart reading so would really appreciate any insights you may have.  ~ Sarah in South Africa

Love and spiritual growth go hand-in-hand. It’s no coincidence that more and more people are asking about deep, soul unions as humanity experiences a leap in consciousness. Once again, I will attempt to address what I consider to be one of the most burning issues of our time.

Samantha, there are definite sparks in the synastry chart with the gentleman whose birth data you provided, as well as some of the classic markers for a karmic connection. For example, your Moon is conjunct his lunar North Node, a major indicator of a karmic relationship. There are some positive aspects for a long-term commitment, too, notably his Sun in a tight trine to your Saturn.

However, there are a lot of problem areas in this chart, and it’s readily apparent why you were questioning the relationship. The biggest problem I see is that his Saturn is dead on your Ascendant. This suggests that you were carrying a heavy burden in this relationship, and not by your choice. The burden may have weighed you down so much that it sapped your spirit and sucked the life out of you. Sometimes we agree to carry a karmic burden for another person, but it’s a tough road to follow.

Another problem is that I don’t see much emotional fulfillment in this relationship for you. The love you feel is coming from you. That may be a source of joy, but love needs to be nurtured and fed, or it can’t survive. The fact that you feel such love and devotion is a victory. Not everyone has the capacity to love, so it is a wonderful gift when we are able to feel it so deeply. Spiritual growth and expanding consciousness require an open heart. It appears that this man did that for you, and now it’s time to move on.

Sarah, the first thing that jumps out at me in your chart with your Internet love interest is that his Sun and your Moon are quite close. This is a strong indication of a romantic relationship, and there are other indicators as well. You also have some strong karmic markers, as well as some signs of physical chemistry.

On the not-so-positive side, you have a Venus-Neptune conjunction, and that is a big, red flag that you need to keep your expectations in check, and it sounds like you are. Since his Sun and Saturn are conjunct, that also means your Moon and his Saturn are very close, and this sometimes inhibits the free flow of affection. Or, it’s possible that he’ll get cold feet and not want to meet after all.

I dabbled in Internet dating off and on, so I know the power of the mind connection. Internet attractions can be very emotional and, surprisingly, very sexually stimulating. However, everything changes when you meet in person and begin interacting on a regular basis. I always tell my clients who are having Internet relationships to meet as soon as you possibly can. And, while I hate to be a party pooper, I also tell them to keep their expectations low. Many people do marry after meeting on the Internet, but far more end up disappointed.

You are right to be cautious, Sarah, but I would give this one a chance and see how it goes. There is clearly a karmic lesson involved, and that, at least, is worth exploring further.

For anyone who’s interested, I offer a comprehensive synastry report, with an emphasis on soul connections, since so many people are asking about it these days. Whether you just met or have been married for some time, having your chart done can help you identify where you’ll have the easiest connection and where you may experience some challenges.

Thank you both for writing. I wish you much courage on your journey to love.

Aquarius, the sign of astrologyPat

Got a quick question? Click here to contact Ask Real Astrologers. You must use this form to contact me, or I won’t get your question. I do read all of your questions, although I am sorry that I can’t answer them all. If you need immediate guidance or in-depth advice, please contact me for a private consultation. THANKS!

Ask Real Astrologers: Are We Meant To Be Together?

Looking for AnswersThis week’s question comes from Pam in Florida:

I believe I am in a karmic relationship with a man I am in love with. He is married, although nothing has happened between us and we are only friends. I worked with him and grew to love his soul, and the love I feel is very deep, unlike anything I’ve ever felt before. I think he feels it, too, although he’s never said anything, but I can tell by the way he looks in my eyes. When the connection happened for me it was absolutely undeniable and I, too, felt like I met “the one.” Am I correct, or is he here only to aid in my growth?

Pam, you’re by no means in a unique situation. This is a question I get asked constantly, and I don’t believe it’s any coincidence that so many people are having this experience at the same time.

Something seems to have shifted in 1999, when we had a powerful eclipse accompanied by a grand fixed cross. Since that time, many of my clients and some of my friends have met a “soul mate” and, as a result, experienced a profound spiritual awakening. For a few people, it happened more than once. In several cases, the soul mate was married or committed to someone else.

So far, none of these people has ended up in a permanent, long-term relationship with the awakener, leading me to conclude that the purpose of these meetings is, as you say, to aid in our spiritual growth.

You didn’t supply the birth data for your love interest, but I am pretty sure it would show a karmic connection, as you clearly are having a karmic experience as a result of this meeting. Without your love interest’s data, it’s hard to know for sure, but I do see a couple of markers in your chart for growth, and so I’m inclined to say that this really is the purpose of your meeting.

Specifically, you have Jupiter and Uranus conjunct in the twelfth house, in a lovely trine with your eighth house Sun in Sagittarius. In addition, transiting Pluto is conjunct your natal Jupiter. Taken together, these transits suggest that you are ripe for a sudden leap in conscious awareness and a spiritual transformation. Embrace it!

As to why so many of us are experiencing an evolution in consciousness through a love experience, it’s not so hard to imagine. I touched on it in a Saturday Extra! post last week. It appears that the planetary shift in progress involves a realignment to bring the divine masculine and divine feminine energies into balance, but there’s a gap we need to bridge before we can unify the polarities. Humanity is a powerful expression of the divine mind, and therefore, I see this collective experience of connecting with an opposite as a sign that we are crossing the bridge.

Thanks for writing, Pam. My wish for you and for everyone is that we connect with that “perfect” other and move forward on our evolutionary path.

Aquarius, the sign of astrologyPat

Got a quick question? Click here to contact Ask Real Astrologers. You must use this form to contact me, or I won’t get your question. Be sure to fill out all the fields, and please spell out the month of your birthday. If you don’t know your time of birth, indicate “time unknown.” I do read all of your questions, although I am sorry that I can’t answer them all or respond as quickly as you need. If you’d like immediate guidance and in-depth advice, please contact me for a private consultation. THANKS!