Our question this week comes from Jennifer.

How would you recommend someone handle synastry where someone’s planet is conjunct another person’s node? Even though it’s not a romantic relationship, somehow this makes me feel extremely obligated and bound to the person, and I don’t quite know what to do about it. With the people who are bugging me, one has Venus conjunct my South Node (and conjunct their North), the other has Venus conjunct my North Node. Even worse, that one’s my mother. I am constantly irritated with her, but it feels like I’m married to her! I think we reinforce the bad traits in each other somehow.

Neith’s answer:

Jennifer, awhile back I waded through a bunch of family birth dates to look for reversed nodes patterns. The most reversed nodes were between mother and child for some reason. Reversed nodes are not easy to live with, because the nodes represent a strong theme in our lives and in the case of reversed nodes, very simply put, you are going in opposite directions. Most often the child moved far away from the mother as soon as possible because of the irritation factor.

With a planet or planets conjunct a node, they act to amplify the nodal energy. Even Venus, who has a reputation for being pleasant, can come off as cloying. Jan Spiller, in her book Cosmic Love, suggests the South Node person may feel a sense of indebtedness to the Venus person, who is inclined to be overly permissive in this instance. The Venus/North Node conjunction is about helping each other with self-worth issues.

In the case of the North Node/Venus conjunction, finding a balance between being supportive and nurturing oneself may be easier to sort out, because we are usually more detached when it comes to the North Node. However, the South Node/Venus conjunction may take more tact to handle. If it were me, I’d opt for distance. Then, I’m a Libra and not fond of confrontation!

My mother’s North Node was in Libra conjunct my Moon/Neptune. In the end, I had to move out of town for several years to help separate my emotional baggage from hers. We were always close, but it was my choice to keep a measure of distance between us. Otherwise, I ended up feeling overwhelmed. Sometimes it’s what we need to do to preserve our sanity with nodal connections . . . maintain some distance.

Both Pat and I do synastry work (check out our reports on Love and Relationships) and either of us would be happy to offer more feedback based on the rest of the charts of the individuals involved.

Pat’s Answer

I’m not sure I can add much to Neith’s response, as she was very thorough. Two things do come to mind, though:

First, a relationship is never based on one aspect, dramatic though it may be. Chances are, you have lots of other things going on between your charts, and these are feeding into your Venus-Node discomfort. If you have to interact with these people on a regular basis, you might want to order a compatibility reading to help you determine where you might be able to connect positively.

Second, while there are often cases of simple “bad chemistry” over which you have no control, that the nodes are involved with these two people tells me that there may be a valuable lesson for you if you stick with the relationship. I believe this is especially true with your mother, since it’s your North Node that’s involved here.

Not everyone is amenable to having heart-felt discussions, and you may not trust them enough to want to reveal your innermost fears and vulnerability. But at the very least, have that discussion with yourself. How do these two people reflect what’s going on inside of you? In the case of your mother, did she project her issues onto you as a child, so that now it appears that they’re yours? If so, might she be reinforcing them? My therapist in the late 80s called this the “family trance.” No matter how much we grow and evolve or how aware we are of childhood programming, when we get back together with family, we’re somehow sucked back into the old patterns.

Good luck, Jennifer!

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