This week’s question comes from Suzette in New Mexico:
I am at my wit’s end. I’m divorced for five years and have been married twice.
In January, I left my boyfriend of a year and a half, whom I loved with all of my heart, because our values clashed and there were seemingly insurmountable issues. I’ve put myself back out on the dating scene since then but I haven’t found a single man I’m attracted to in the least. They’re too short, too unemployed, too much baggage, too shallow, too young, too old, too what have you. Have had to beat them off with a stick, as I’m still nice-looking and am carrying myself with my usual saucy confidence, but wow, is there anyone out there I’m ever going to click with again?
I have a lot of love and life in me yet, and with no clearly worthy suitor to say yes to, I’m adrift and bereft. Any help would be deeply appreciated.
Suzette, the first thing I noticed when looking at your chart was Uranus and Pluto in Virgo sitting in your seventh house out of orb of aspecting your personal planets (Sun, Moon, Mercury, Venus, and Mars). This tells me that the archetypes and energies those two heavyweights bring are not easy for you to connect with. For you, the best option is to learn about Uranus and Pluto and gain understanding of how those archetypes are at work within yourself. Many times the key is recognition, because once we have identified our issues we can begin to work with them. Until we do, they can walk through the door on two feet and create all kinds of havoc in our lives.
The opposition between your Aries Sun-Saturn conjunction and your Moon in Libra also reflect the importance of bringing your emotional nature and intrinsic self into balance. Your Moon is the apex of a Yod with Mercury sextile Venus as the base. Spending time sorting what you truly value and what you can live with in relationships and what the deal-breakers are will help immensely.
Mars in Scorpio in the eighth house puts the spotlight on unwritten contracts. In other words, what are your expectations of how you are to behave as a married person? Do you feel you need to behave differently as a married woman than a single one? And what do you expect from your spouse? All of these questions are eighth house issues for sure.
Good luck with your quest, Suzette!
Suzette, I agree wholeheartedly with Neith and would like to add that your Sun-Saturn conjunction makes you susceptible to expecting perfection in yourself. Because your Moon is opposite your Sun (you were a Full Moon baby), you may be projecting this unreasonable expectation onto a partner.
In terms of what’s to come for you, I see two major transits that will affect your search, and both support examining yourself before finding the right partner.
First, Saturn currently is transiting your seventh house of marriage and partnership. Close relationships often break up during this transit, so it’s no surprise that you left your boyfriend. Just as often, however, we end up getting into new commitments with Saturn in this key area of our charts, so it’s very possible that once you’ve got some important issues worked out in your own mind, you will attract someone who’s right for you.
Second, Neptune currently is sitting on your Ascendant, in conjunction with Chiron and the North Node. I’ve written a lot on my blog, The Pisces Chronicles, about how this configuration combined with the current eclipse series has created a window of opportunity for deep healing of past wounds. When we do this, we are more able to find loving, stable partnerships.
I’d also like to note that transiting Uranus is sitting on your natal Chiron in the first house, so you will be pushed into doing a certain amount of healing work, whether or not you feel ready or want to.
I will share a personal story with you about my online dating experience. Most of the Internet dating sites allow you to fill out a “laundry list” of things you’re looking for in a partner. The one I was using let you rate these desires as being nice to have or non-negotiable. I put only three requirements in the latter category, and I recently met someone who doesn’t meet two of those three requirements and with whom I’ve felt more of a connection and have done more personal growth work than anyone I’ve ever been with in my life (two marriages with two long-term relationships in between).
I believe that when you find the right person, his looks and imperfections won’t matter a bit.
I think you’d gain a lot through a full astrological consultation. I currently am not accepting new clients due a higher-than-normal workload, but I highly recommend Neith (of course!), who is thorough, gentle, and amazingly insightful
Wishing you nothing but true love.
Got a quick question? Click here to contact Ask Real Astrologers.