Category Archives: Love & Relationships

Saturday Extra! Soul Mates Revisited

Psyche et L'Amour, by William-Adolphe Bouguereau, 1889.

Since posting a Friday Q&A column recently on soul mates vs. karmic mates, I’ve received a flood of mail essentially asking the same question.

Although I do repeat questions from time to time, I typically don’t answer the same question in the Friday column more than once or twice. Yet, I didn’t want to leave all of you hanging, without a way to answer this burning question. So I’ve decided to offer a new report, accessible to more people.

Before I talk about that, though, I want to comment on the myth of the soul mate.

There seems to be some idea that a soul mate is that perfect person who will complete us and make us feel whole, and we won’t have to do a thing. All it will take is a fated meeting, a gaze deep into their eyes, and our search will be over. Our lives will change, and everything will be good again.

Our lives do change when we have true love, there is no question. What you don’t often hear is that love takes work to nurture and maintain. To expect otherwise would be like planting a garden and expecting it to grow all by itself, with no effort on your part. Imagine getting luscious, ripe tomatoes with no hoeing, weeding, watering, fertilizing, and an occasional bug.

Of course, it’s also true that you have to plant crops suitable for your climate and soil conditions, or no amount of work will get you the desired results. Likewise, some relationships won’t last no matter how much effort you put into them, but you’ll learn an awful lot about yourself, life, and the nature of the universe. Those are what we call “karmic relationships,” as opposed to a soul mate.

To help you figure out which is which, I decided to start offering the “Karmic Ties” section of my Full Compatibility Report as a stand-alone report, at an affordable price of $59. Like the comprehensive report, it’s based on synastry, which is a method of comparing the relationships between planets and key chart points in one person’s chart with those of their partner.

For this to work best, you’ll need to have an accurate birth time for both people. However, if you don’t know your love interest’s time of birth and can’t get it, I can still tell you a lot. It just won’t be the most complete information, and that means there can be gaps in our understanding.

If, after receiving the Soul Mates Karma Report, you decide you’d like to have the full synastry report, I’ll apply the cost of the short report to the long one.

Hopefully, this will serve to provide more answers to more of you.

Much love and many blessings,
Aquarius, the sign of astrologyPat

Ask Real Astrologers: Are We Meant To Be Together?

Looking for AnswersThis week’s question comes from Pam in Florida:

I believe I am in a karmic relationship with a man I am in love with. He is married, although nothing has happened between us and we are only friends. I worked with him and grew to love his soul, and the love I feel is very deep, unlike anything I’ve ever felt before. I think he feels it, too, although he’s never said anything, but I can tell by the way he looks in my eyes. When the connection happened for me it was absolutely undeniable and I, too, felt like I met “the one.” Am I correct, or is he here only to aid in my growth?

Pam, you’re by no means in a unique situation. This is a question I get asked constantly, and I don’t believe it’s any coincidence that so many people are having this experience at the same time.

Something seems to have shifted in 1999, when we had a powerful eclipse accompanied by a grand fixed cross. Since that time, many of my clients and some of my friends have met a “soul mate” and, as a result, experienced a profound spiritual awakening. For a few people, it happened more than once. In several cases, the soul mate was married or committed to someone else.

So far, none of these people has ended up in a permanent, long-term relationship with the awakener, leading me to conclude that the purpose of these meetings is, as you say, to aid in our spiritual growth.

You didn’t supply the birth data for your love interest, but I am pretty sure it would show a karmic connection, as you clearly are having a karmic experience as a result of this meeting. Without your love interest’s data, it’s hard to know for sure, but I do see a couple of markers in your chart for growth, and so I’m inclined to say that this really is the purpose of your meeting.

Specifically, you have Jupiter and Uranus conjunct in the twelfth house, in a lovely trine with your eighth house Sun in Sagittarius. In addition, transiting Pluto is conjunct your natal Jupiter. Taken together, these transits suggest that you are ripe for a sudden leap in conscious awareness and a spiritual transformation. Embrace it!

As to why so many of us are experiencing an evolution in consciousness through a love experience, it’s not so hard to imagine. I touched on it in a Saturday Extra! post last week. It appears that the planetary shift in progress involves a realignment to bring the divine masculine and divine feminine energies into balance, but there’s a gap we need to bridge before we can unify the polarities. Humanity is a powerful expression of the divine mind, and therefore, I see this collective experience of connecting with an opposite as a sign that we are crossing the bridge.

Thanks for writing, Pam. My wish for you and for everyone is that we connect with that “perfect” other and move forward on our evolutionary path.

Aquarius, the sign of astrologyPat

Got a quick question? Click here to contact Ask Real Astrologers. You must use this form to contact me, or I won’t get your question. Be sure to fill out all the fields, and please spell out the month of your birthday. If you don’t know your time of birth, indicate “time unknown.” I do read all of your questions, although I am sorry that I can’t answer them all or respond as quickly as you need. If you’d like immediate guidance and in-depth advice, please contact me for a private consultation. THANKS!

Harrison Ford and Callista Flockhart, Married at Last

Blame it on the cardinal T-square.

On June 15, Harrison Ford married Callista Flockhart, his girlfriend of eight years. Why now? It’s the same question I asked earlier this month, when Al Gore, former vice president of the United States, announced that he and his wife, Tipper, were separating after 40 years of marriage.

I always start by looking at the synastry chart, a technique astrologers use to determine compatibility between two or more people. For both couples, the charts show clear indications of long-term commitment. Still, that doesn’t explain the timing.

In the case of the Gores, Pluto is on Al’s Moon, in the “hot spot” at the apex of the T-square. There are other aspects as well, but the heavy pressure on Al’s Moon, the seat of the emotions, suggests a deep-seated urge to move in another direction for spiritual and personal growth.

For Harrison and Callista, the timing can be explained by the T-square’s position in his chart. Indeed, it is quite dramatic, as all four of his chart angles are in the early degrees of the cardinal signs. As I’ve noted previously on my blog, the T-square is having a particularly powerful influence on people with personal planets or chart angles in the early cardinal signs (Aries, Cancer, Libra, and Capricorn).

Harrison has 2 degrees Libra Rising, with Saturn approaching a third and final conjunction to his Ascendant. This is a significant milestone in life and a time when we often change our relationship status and take on more duties and responsibilities.

At the same time, Jupiter and Uranus are dead on his Descendant. Transiting Jupiter on the Descendant and in the seventh house traditionally is associated with marriage and long-term commitment. Uranus, meanwhile, has helped Harrison move out of his fear of entering a third union after two failed marriages.

Pluto is crossing his IC, or fourth-house cusp, representing dramatic changes in his home and family life. According to reports in the media, Harrison is a wonderful father to Callista’s adopted son, Liam. With their marriage, this relationship is official. Pluto in the fourth house also tends to help us grow out of early childhood programming.

The coming solar eclipse on July 11 will be within a degree of Harrison’s Sun at 20 degrees Cancer and not far from his natal Moon at 22 degrees Cancer. This nicely illustrates the point that eclipses are often felt months before or afterward, especially when they are in such a prominent position in the chart.

While I was at the supermarket the other day, I flipped through a copy of People magazine, in which friends of the couple were quoted as saying their relationship was based on an honest approach to life and to each other, and on equality. It took eight years for them to get to this point, which is a wonderful reminder that true love requires constant tending and nurturing.

Even soul mates have to work at it.

Aquarius, the sign of astrologyPat

Interested in how the T-square is influencing your life and relationships? Explore a personal consultation with Pat.

Extra! Love in the Time of the T-Square, Part II

© Retrodiva88, Dreamstime

As we approach this summer’s T-square, we’re facing increasing polarization, conflict, and seemingly insurmountable obstacles, both within society as a whole and in our individual lives.

For many of us, the conflict is our basic survival — finding a job, paying rent, putting food on the table. For others, relationship issues are coming to a head. And for some, it is both.

I’ve heard several stories over the past week about young couples who are facing crushing marital problems, aggravated by a bad economy and financial stress. Indeed, financial stress is one of the top five reasons people divorce. So it’s hardly surprising (and you don’t need an astrologer to tell you) that a plunging economy is taking a toll on love, especially among couples who are young, inexperienced, and not used to weathering storms.

In last week’s Saturday Extra! column, I addressed one of the deepest core wounds on the planet, which I believe stems from an ancient separation of male and female energies. If you’re stuck in a relationship crisis, then you are experiencing this separation in its purist, basic form. But even if your obstacle is completely unrelated to relationships, I would bet that its underlying cause is a separation of some kind, possibly within yourself.

Regardless of the nature of your particular barrier — and just about everyone has one these days — it feels like there’s no way out. We are in the dark, feeling our way along the wall, looking for any opening, no matter how small. But maybe it’s not where we expect it to be. The opening, as I suggested last week, may be inside of us, in our own hearts and minds.

In our search for that opening, we may first have to reach some kind of closure. Inherent in every new beginning is an ending, and that’s the phase I believe we’re in now. Lots of things are ending, and many of us are in denial about it. That goes for relationships, too. Pluto, at the apex of the T-square, requires us to let go. If we attempt to hang onto what’s falling apart, if we refuse to make necessary changes, the stress and pressure on us will only get worse.

The New Moon symbolizes endings and beginnings. Today’s New Moon in Gemini isn’t closely connected to the cardinal T-square, but it provides an opening into the eclipse period, as the waxing Moon will peak at a lunar eclipse in conjunction with Pluto in cardinal Capricorn. Start feeling for those openings now!

Among those I heard from this past week was a brave young woman who is striking out on her own after a 10-year relationship. She was barely holding back the tears as she told me how scared she was, and yet she’s excited about having the opportunity for the first time in her adult life to explore her own gifts and to do the things that make her happy.

For those of you who are getting out of unhappy relationships, I want to offer encouragement. You are clearing the way for something better, and it can’t happen until you take this important first step. It is hard, but you are not alone.

Even if your relationship is solid, you may be struggling. The entire planet is under stress, and it’s affecting every aspect of our lives. Stay committed to each other, and you will break through to higher ground. With both of you feeling for that opening, you increase the chances of finding it.

Aquarius, the sign of astrologyPat

Extra! Love in the Time of the T-Square

Breakthrough. © James A. Weythman.

I’ve spent so much time lately writing about this summer’s cardinal T-square that I’ve barely given much thought to Neptune and Chiron, both of which turned retrograde this past week.

Those of you who followed me over from The Pisces Chronicles may recall my posts about the Neptune-Chiron conjunction of the past few years and the opportunity for healing deep wounds, both collective and individual. In my observation, that window is a bit wider during times when one or both planets are changing directions.

In November 2008, I wrote:

Culturally, we are taught that giving up is a bad thing, that it shows we are weak. Don’t go down without a fight, we’re told. But sometimes, giving up and giving in is exactly what we need to do, and there’s nothing like extreme pain to force us to let go of everything we are, everything we believe, and to open ourselves up to something else.

Neptune dissolves the ego and allows us to open up to that “something else.” We’ve got some extra help from Mars, the surgeon. Mars is opposite Neptune and will oppose Chiron on Tuesday. Re-opening old wounds can hurt like hell, but sometimes it’s necessary before true healing can take place.

Most of us have some idea of our individual wounds, but we’re at the point at which we have to address our collective dis-ease. This wound is millennia old, and I believe its origins lie in the separation of male and female energies. Many of my old PiChron posts were devoted to the coming planetary shift and what it means for healing the imbalance between feminine and masculine energies — yin and yang, if you will.

Given the building intensity of the cardinal T-square, it may seem like Neptune is a minor influence at this point. And besides, now that Uranus is in Aries, they’re no longer are in mutual reception. But Neptune is still a player in this lineup, albeit in a more subtle, Neptunian way.

Within the cardinal T-square is polarization and extreme tension. Polarization is at the root of every conflict on the planet right now, and it all goes back to the separation of the fundamental masculine-feminine energies. We’re stuck, and the only way out of it is going to be a major breakthrough in consciousness — if we don’t kill each other first. Breakthroughs are not possible without first having a breakdown, and that happens when the ego gives up and stops fighting.

The ego is invested in hanging on tightly to old wounds. Experienced for long enough, our fears, insecurities and paranoia become so much a part of us that we may take them for granted and not even realize how much they’re affecting us. If we do manage to release them, we feel an odd emptiness, like something is missing.

I believe that an increase in consciousness will come simultaneously with the opening of our hearts, individually and collectively. We have to open our hearts and keep them open despite repeated hurt, and we have to work to clear out the energies that prevent love from taking root. Love makes us whole, but it can’t descend on us and bestow its light unless we clear a space for it in our hearts.

For those of you who are working on making the world safe for love, I want to encourage you to keep going. I am optimistic that we’re about to turn a corner, even though it seems like we’re in the darkest hour, and the in the outside world, it’s feeling a lot like war and the seven plagues.

I leave with you with a video called “Soldier of Love,” from the first album in 10 years by Sade. A Capricorn (ruler of the military), she’s back just in time for the cardinal T-square. And what about those Mayan ruins on the album cover? Just a coincidence?

Aquarius, the sign of astrologyPat

Ask Real Astrologers: Why Doesn’t Astro-Compatibility Work?

Looking for AnswersThis week’s question comes from Joyce in Houston, Texas:

I am an Aquarius female. The ‘stars’ say that I am compatible with Libra men. But my relationships with this sign always end up going wrong. What is the problem? We just don’t fit. It makes me believe this astrology is all wrong. Even with Aries, I just don’t connect. They are argumentative, combative, and always have to have the last word. Who I connect with most are Virgo men. Go figure.

Joyce, I love getting questions like this, and I about fell off my chair laughing over your comment about Aries — no offense to Rams. I’ll explain in a minute why you annoy her so much.

First, let me say that there simply is no way to determine astrological compatibility by Sun sign alone. This is so important that I’m going to repeat it:

There is no way to determine astrological compatibility by Sun sign.

So forget this business of Aquarius gets along with Libra and Gemini. As a fellow Aquarian, I can tell you that Libra is not my first choice for a romantic partner, either.

Astrological compatibility is actually quite a complicated affair. There are two popular techniques, the composite method and synastry.

The composite uses midpoints between each planet in the two individual natal charts to create one new relationship chart. Synastry involves comparing the positions of the planets, houses, and some mathematical points in the first person’s chart with those in the second person’s chart. I use synastry almost exclusively in my compatibility reports.

Joyce, the first thing we have to do is to look at your natal chart. You were born early in the morning, making you a Rising Capricorn. Your Moon is in early Gemini, your Venus is in Capricorn, and your Mars is in Scorpio. The Moon tells us how you relate to another person emotionally. Venus and Mars, the love planets, tell us what pleases you, how you give and receive affection, and what turns you on in bed.

Aries and Libra conflict with your Capricorn Venus and Ascendant. Moreover, your Saturn is in Libra, and that means that an Aries or Libra Sun, depending on the degree, could be in direct conflict with your Saturn. An Aries Sun opposite your Saturn in Libra definitely would rub you the wrong way, unless he had other qualities that were so enticing that you could forgive his always having the last word . . . say, if he had Mars in Virgo.

In your natal chart, Virgo makes up most of the eighth house, which is the sector pertaining to primal passion and animal magnetism. When a partner’s key planets (Sun or Mars, for instance) fall in your eighth house, you find him very sexy! In addition, Virgo forms a harmonious trine with your Ascendant and your Venus in Capricorn. Planets past 10 degrees of Virgo work better for you; otherwise they clash with your Gemini Moon.

Of the two Libra gentlemen whose birth data you supplied, I’m guessing that the first had a certain amount of sex appeal, but the arguments got to be too much, and there was a constant undercurrent of power struggles. Still, it might have had some possibilities. The second guy has more red flags than China.

I hope that revives your faith in astrological compatibility, Joyce. Done right, it can identify where a couple connects the best and where they need to work. More and more people are asking me these days about karmic connections, and synastry is quite handy for this, as well.

For those of you who have sent questions and still haven’t seen an answer, I get dozens of questions a week and am very sorry that I can’t answer them all. I try to pick a good cross section, and I tend to pick questions that other readers may identify with. I’d like to reiterate that if you are facing serious challenges and need personal guidance, please consider contacting me for a private consultation.

Keep those e-mails coming!
Aquarius, the sign of astrologyPat

Got a quick question? Click here to contact Ask Real Astrologers. You must use this form to contact me, or I won’t get your question. Be sure to fill out all the fields, and please spell out the month of your birthday. If you don’t know your time of birth, indicate “time unknown.” You can also use the drop-down menu above under “About Us” to get to the question form. THANKS!

Splitting After 40 Years:The Synastry of Al and Tipper Gore

Al and Tipper Gore at the inaugural ceremonies in Washington on Jan. 20, 2009. Photo by Susan Walsh for The Associated Press.

Al Gore, former vice president of the United States, and his wife, Tipper, announced today that they are separating after 40 years of marriage. Why now?

First of all, we have to commend anyone who can make a marriage last for 40 years. That is a miracle in today’s disposable world, and there is no way we can call this marriage anything but successful. We can imagine that a lot of hard work and perseverance went into their relationship. Of course, they were preoccupied with a lot of external pressures, and that does tend to take the focus off the problems in a marriage.

According to media reports, the decision was mutual. The ostensible reason is that the couple “grew apart.” After looking at their synastry chart, I am taking their statement at face value.

Synastry, for those not familiar with the term, is the astrological technique of comparing the positions of the planets and houses in one person’s chart with those of the other person. The first thing I look for is a favorable aspect between Sun and Moon. Equally important, I look for evidence of a strong sexual connection. Although sex isn’t everything, especially as we advance in age, physical “chemistry” is a powerful bond and can act as a motivator to encourage couples to work through problems instead of calling it quits.

Traditionally, astrologers consider it best for the woman’s Moon to be favorably aspected to the man’s Sun, although nowadays the reverse is viewed positively as well, especially for power couples such as Al and Tipper. Her Moon at 21 degrees Aquarius makes a very wide sextile to his Sun at 10 degrees Aries, perhaps enough to cement a friendship. Al’s Moon at 3 degrees Capricorn makes a wide, out-of-sign trine with Tipper’s Sun at 26 degrees Leo. This is a little better. Still, I’d say that these two indicators are more of an easy friendship than anything else.

Al and Tipper never had the classic markers for sexual chemistry. The strongest link is an opposition between her Moon at 21 degrees Aquarius and his Mars at 18 degrees Leo. This suggests that sexual attraction may have been based on an emotional dependency. We might guess that an adult woman has worked through these issues and healed the underlying wound, which then dissolves the bond.

They do, however, have very strong aspects for longevity, primarily the tight trine between his Jupiter at 28 degrees Sagittarius and her Sun-Saturn conjunction at 26 degrees Leo. His early Cap Moon also plays into this connection. Their synastry suggests that the strongest glue in their relationship was working together toward mutual interests, which we can guess probably related to their (especially his) political and professional aspirations. There’s nothing wrong with this arrangement, in my book, as long as both parties agree to it … and they apparently did.

With all of that in mind, it’s logical that they would separate now that their “work” together apparently is complete. It is time for them to keep growing in other ways.

Looking at transits, the cardinal T-square with Pluto at the apex is making tight contact with Al’s natal Moon. Pluto conjunct the Moon often signifies the end of a committed relationship, and we can feel totally changed inside emotionally after this transit is done (see my Ask Real Astrologers post on this disturbing transit.) In short, he’s growing and transforming, and it’s no surprise that he’s moving in a different direction from his wife of 40 years, especially when you throw the Saturn-Uranus opposition into the mix.

Of no less importance, the current series of eclipses in Capricorn and Cancer is taking place in Tipper’s seventh house of committed relationships and first house of self. This is often when committed relationships begin or end.

Also, the cardinal T-square is occurring in a wide square to Tipper’s Ascendant and her natal Venus at 11 degrees Cancer. This suggests a change in a committed relationship. I’m guessing that she is going to feel liberated and will launch into a new professional venture from which she will gain not only material rewards but some public acclaim.

After looking at their charts, I think they’ve made a sound decision, and for that they should be commended as well. Even when you do everything “right,” sometimes a relationship has to end. When it has reached its logical conclusion and outlived its purpose, letting go is the best and wisest choice.

Aquarius, the sign of astrologyPat

Ask Real Astrologers: Am I Doomed To Be Alone Forever?

Looking for AnswersThis week’s question comes from Nala in Melbourne, Australia:

I seem to make the same mistakes over and over again in relationships. Am I somehow astrologically engineered to do so? I met the man of my dreams, and after a short but very intensive relationship, we have broken up. I just feel as though I will never find anyone. Am I doomed to be alone for the rest of my life?

Nala, no one is ever “doomed” to be alone. We humans do seem to have a bad habit of repeating mistakes, though, and astrology can help identify those patterns.

Unfortunately, you didn’t provide me with a birth time, and that means we don’t have an exact degree for your Moon in Leo, and we don’t know what houses any of your planets are in. This is a handicap. If you know your birth time, I would suggest getting a full reading by a professional astrologer. Of course, I always suggest that, as this column isn’t a substitute for a thorough reading.

That said, a couple of things jump out at me right away. First, you have a tight Yod with Pluto and Neptune at the base and Venus and Mars conjunct at the apex. The planets at the base of a Yod work well with each other but are totally out of synch with the planet or planets at the apex. Venus and Mars are the love planets, and they are taking a lot of heat in your chart.

The inconjunct from Neptune to Mars and Venus tells me that you may not always be realistic in your choice of partners. It may be hard for you to take off the rose-colored glasses and see your partner for what he really is. With Pluto in this configuration, you get smacked hard when you overlook those vital signs and clues. And to top it off, you may feel a heavy burden of guilt, like you did something wrong to deserve it.

Second, your Venus and Mars are opposite Uranus in Scorpio, all square Saturn in Leo. Your Moon may be in this configuration, too, but without a birth time, there’s no way to know. This does suggest some difficulty in breaking out of habits that don’t serve you, but all that means is that you have to work a little harder. The fact that you’re asking questions is a good start.

The lunar North Node in a birth chart can tell us what will make us the most happy and give us fulfillment. In your case, the North Node is in Libra, sign of relationships. So it’s clear that you want and need to be in a partnership. However, the Universe is asking you to do a lot of work to make this happen. This is no accident, and it even may be your life’s purpose.

Put another way, relationships aren’t supposed to be easy for you, and that’s the point. The most important lessons you’ll learn in this life will be those you master through your romantic partnerships. Once you key into this, you will experience personal transformation and a powerful awakening of consciousness.

By the way, Mars has been in Leo since last October, and he was retrograde for several months. This no doubt complicated your relationship, as Mars transits tend to stir up trouble. Looking at your charts, I wouldn’t say it was the cause of the breakup, but it likely provided the trigger or “last straw.”

All worthwhile endeavors require a lot of trial and error before we get it right. Love is no different. Try to remain positive and keep an open heart, despite the pain of loss when things don’t turn out the way you think you want them to.

I hope that helps Nala.

Aquarius, the sign of astrologyPat

Got a quick question? Click here to contact Ask Real Astrologers. You must use this form to contact me, or I won’t get your question. Be sure to fill out all the fields, and please spell out the month of your birthday. If you don’t know your time of birth, indicate “time unknown.” You can also use the drop-down menu above under “About Us” to get to the question form. THANKS!

Ask Real Astrologers: How Do I Know if Taurus is Cheating?

Looking for AnswersThis week’s question comes from Yolanda in Clark, N.J.:

I have been having problems with my Taurus partner, whose Venus is in Pisces. I am a Pisces with Venus in Aquarius. I’m having crazy dreams about him cheating and I would like to know how I should approach the discussion. I believe he may not be truthful, as he doesn’t want to hurt my feelings.

I feel that we do have a future, but both need to be honest about our insecurities and let go. But this may be the end of the road. Help!

Yolanda, I am so glad you asked this question. It’s one that astrologers get all of the time, and I happen to feel very strongly about it.

There simply is no way to know by looking at someone’s chart whether they are cheating. Period. Any astrologer who even attempts to answer this question has no ethics, and that makes anything else they tell you suspect. Now, technically you didn’t ask whether your Taurus partner was cheating, but thanks for letting me get that off my chest. As I said, I have very strong feelings about “right use” of astrology.

What we can do is to have a look at why you believe your partner is cheating and, more to the point, what you can do about it.

People with strong Pisces in their charts do have a “nose” for finding information that eludes everyone else, and sometimes we get handed these messages in dreams. However, we have to be extremely careful in using this information.

Neptune, the modern ruler of Pisces, has two sides. One side is highly intuitive, psychic, creative, and visionary, while the other side is subject to delusion and has an over-active imagination that can come up with some pretty wild worst-case scenarios. No matter what you’re dreaming, you need to validate it with facts before presenting it to others, especially if you’re accusing them of something.

It’s very common to be attracted to someone besides our partner. We can’t help that, and it’s not cheating as long as we don’t act on it. However, this can be trouble for Pisces, because we’re strong empaths and pick up on the thoughts and feelings of those around us. So, for example, if your partner was attracted to another woman or having thoughts about someone else, you might pick up on that and then dream of him cheating. I’m not saying that’s what’s happening; only that it is a strange phenomenon we see often with Pisces people.

When a partner is seeking sex outside of the relationship, there usually are signs. Does he stay out late with no explanation? Do you smell someone else’s perfume on his clothes? Does the phone ring, and when you pick it up, the caller hangs up? If so, it’s fair to ask about those anomalies. But if you have no real evidence, then there is not any “right” way to present your fears to a Taurus or to any other sign. Until you have something concrete to go on, your fear that he may be cheating is just that.

It would be entirely appropriate to initiate a general discussion about fidelity, what it means to you, and why you believe it’s important in a relationship. Be sure to listen closely to his views. If he doesn’t share your feelings about fidelity, then you need to get that straightened out immediately. You might also want to discuss your feelings about honesty. Of course, this means you need to be prepared to hear some uncomfortable truth.

One obstacle I suspect you may be facing is that neither of you likes conflict and would rather not initiate discussions that might lead to an argument. Moreover, your boyfriend has Mercury in Taurus, which prefers a direct, matter-of-fact approach to issues but doesn’t like being pushed to agree with you. The more you try to convince him of your way of doing things, the more he’ll dig in his heels and resist you.

As for those “insecurities, I’d like to point out that transiting Saturn is moving back toward your Moon at 27 degrees Virgo. He aligned with your Moon in early October 2009, and he will stop at the same degree as he’s coming out of retrograde in late May. Fortunately, this only happens once every 28 years or so, because during this time we can feel terribly isolated, lonely, abandoned … and, yes, emotionally insecure.

I wish you lots of courage, Yolanda. Let us know how it goes.

Aquarius, the sign of astrologyPat

Got a quick question? Click here to contact Ask Real Astrologers. You must use this form to contact me, or I won’t get your question. Be sure to fill out all the fields, and please spell out the month of your birthday. If you don’t know your time of birth, indicate “time unknown.” You can also use the drop-down menu above under “About Us” to get to the question form. THANKS!

Karmic Connections in Synastry

The Abduction of Psyche, by William-Adolphe Bouguereau, 1895

The Abduction of Psyche, by William-Adolphe Bouguereau, 1895.

Over the past few years, I’ve received an increasing number of questions about karmic connections in romantic relationships. It’s one of my specialties, and I’m very efficient at identifying them in synastry charts.

Synastry, for those not familiar with the term, is an astrological technique of determining compatibility between two or more people by comparing the positions of planets, houses, and other key points in one person’s birth chart to those in the other person’s chart.

For basic romantic compatibility, we look for close, positive aspects of the Sun, Moon, Venus, and Mars. Aspects to Saturn help us determine whether the relationship will last. Jupiter aspects can inform us about children, among other things. Some aspects involving Mars, Saturn, and Pluto help us identify areas of potential conflict and power struggles.

In addition to these more obvious considerations, there are aspects that indicate so-called “karmic” or soul connections. These are sometimes immediately visible, but often it takes a lot of work to find them and even more investigation to determine what they mean for the relationship. They are not always present in a synastry chart, but when they are, it’s usually not news to the client. When we meet someone with whom we have deep karmic ties, we usually feel an immediate connection or a sense of fate.

The key to understanding these karmic connections is that they do not always indicate a long-term relationship. This is so important, that it bears repeating: A karmic connection does not automatically mean you are meant to be with another person in a romantic relationship or that the relationship will last forever.

This can be very tricky, because often, in addition to feeling a close connection, you can feel “stuck” on that person, sometimes to the point of total obsession. I personally have experienced this more than once, so I understand the urgency and also the burning need to get the other to “understand” that you’re soul mates. When he or she doesn’t see it, you may feel a sense of grief, loss, or abandonment.

I’ve seen so much of this over the past few years that I now believe it’s “bigger” than astrology. There is a cosmic signature in play, and we are vehicles for its expression in the material world. That said, the karmic indicators in a chart suggest how you will experience this phenomenon and, in some cases, why. It also can help identify the lesson you are supposed to learn.

It’s very hard for many clients to receive this information, because they are looking for validation that the object of their desire is their intended One and Only. I try to deliver my honest evaluation without any judgment; in other words, you aren’t stupid, bad, or unevolved just because you’re stuck on someone who doesn’t feel the same way about you. Nor do I see it as a sign of weakness or spiritual “failure.”

To the contrary, it can be an indication that you are nearing a spiritual breakthrough.  The obstacle is a tough one, no doubt about it, and you are being challenged to surmount it so that you can climb to the next level of consciousness. This is apparent only after the fact — and sometimes quite a long time afterward.

If you are in a situation like this, consider that it may be a valuable gift from the Universe.

Here’s to fearless love!
Aquarius, the sign of astrologyPat

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