Tag Archives: will he come back to me

Ask Real Astrologers: Why Did He Run Away?

Looking for AnswersThis week’s question comes from Carolina in Bilbao, Spain:

I met a man in Bilbao in November 2008. In a few days we both felt attracted. A short time after that he ran away and never came back in what I think has been an attempt to avoid the depth of his feelings (I guess this, as his Pluto is making a quintile to my Venus). The psychic connection has always been very strong, although he denied it. And yes, we have more lives together than this one in which we share a deep love and companionship. I can’t deny my feelings and the fact is that I’m still longing for him and hoping he’s coming back, although this isn’t doing me any good.

Now my question, how do you understand this quintile Venus-Pluto, and is there any hope for my wish to live this love, according to the astrological point of view? Will he come back ready to live this experience with me? Could it be that this Pluto aspect means that I represent all that he is afraid of and so the possibility for this love to be real is zero?

Carolina, your story is so familiar that I doubt there are few women (or men) out there who haven’t experienced a situation like this at least once in their lives. In fact, I’ve received so many versions of this question that I wrote an article some time ago entitled, “Will He Come Back to Me?” And, while I tend not to take a question more than once in my Q&A column, I feel that I need to revisit this one periodically.

It’s obvious that you have a good knowledge of astrology. Most people don’t even know what a quintile or Vertex are, so I commend you for that. This can be a problem, though, because when you learn about these chart features, you tend to overlook the more obvious aspects in favor of these relatively minor things. They can add to our understanding, but rarely are they the determining factors behind events or relationships.

You are correct that Pluto was on your Vertex at the time you met your love interest. However, there were other, more powerful forces at work that I would consider far weighter. Take a good look at your chart again, and you will see a very dramatic T-square, with transiting Saturn and Uranus opposite one another and square your natal Venus. Moreover, Uranus is exactly conjunct your natal Moon. At the same time, the transiting lunar nodes were on your Ascendant and Descendant – very big.

This tells me that a sudden and upsetting relationship came into your life, and yes, it appears to have been some sort of destiny, and the gentleman in question was someone you “knew” from somewhere else. But frankly, Caroline, I don’t think this was meant to last. Given the dramatic aspects in your transit chart and the strong presence of Uranus – which, by the way, is the ruler of your Descendant – I think this relationship was about awakening your consciousness. Indeed, Uranus often is referred to as the Awakener.

Judging from the stories I hear from clients, it also appears that more and more people are experiencing “other-life” encounters, and I’ve written quite a bit over the past few years about how these encounters are catalysts to propel us to a higher level of consciousness. Usually, these relationships are painful, because that’s the only way to get our attention! Also, it’s well-known in occult studies that pain is a transformer. Not coincidentally, this is concept is strongly associated with Pluto.

Looking at your compatibility chart, I attribute the fast attraction to your Mars in Aries opposite his Pluto, combined with your Moon trine his Mars. These aspects are indicators of powerful passion, and your Aries Mars is going to go for what it wants!

Now, there are lots of other things I could say about your compatibility chart, and in fact you do share some positive connections, along with others that are problematic. That’s beyond the scope of this column, though, and anyway, you asked me specifically about why I think he might have dashed away. I am sorry to tell you this, Carolina, but it appears that your love interest is a bit of a playboy. Women often miss the vital information, especially when they are physically attracted to a man, but I’ll bet if you look back and think about it, you’ll realize that he gave you some vital clues about his intentions.

As for his emotional distance, I’d attribute that to his Moon in Capricorn. These folks feel very deeply but do not easily share their feelings. Add that to his secretive Scorpio Sun, and you’ve got someone who needs to be drawn out carefully, over time. It’s quite possible that he felt exposed with you, because your Moon in Pisces is indeed very psychic.

And that brings me to my last point, which is that your strong psychic connection may have been one-way. In other words, you felt it strongly with him, but he didn’t share it. I know lots about this, because, like you, I have Moon in Pisces. We pick up on the thoughts and feelings of those around us – sometimes without even knowing it – and we also have a strong ability to recognize connections from other lives. We tend to assume that just because we feel it, the other person must, too. But that’s often not the case.

I feel your pain, Carolina, and I’m sure many other readers do, too, as so many of us have been through this experience. My advice to you is to try to understand the experience in a broader context and to learn from it, and do put yourself out there to date other men. I have a feeling you will find someone much more appropriate, with whom you can have a stable and equal partnership.

Much love and many blessings to you, and thanks so much for telling your story.

Aquarius, the sign of astrologyPat

Got a quick question? Click here to contact Ask Real Astrologers. You must use this form to contact me, or I won’t get your question. I do read all of your questions, although I am sorry that I can’t answer them all. If you need immediate guidance or in-depth advice, please contact me for a private consultation. THANKS!

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Saturday Archives: When Will I Find Love?

Of all the posts I’ve written for my blog, The Pisces Chronicles, this one continues to get several hits a week. And with a powerful solar eclipse coming up this week in my seventh house of relationships, it’s a topic that is foremost in my mind.

When we’re talking among ourselves, astrologers often lament that the question we get most often is, “When will I find love?” or the even lower version, “Will he come back to me?”

Well, I just love it when people ask about love, no matter what version of the question they ask!

There’s no greater treasure in life than true love. It’s what we’re here for, and it’s what we all want, in our deepest heart of hearts. When you get right down to it, what else is there? That so many people are asking about it – even in what we consider to be an “unenlightened” way – is very encouraging.

It means they have started down the path.

I’m going to digress for a minute and talk about the Hollywood movie plot. In the mid-1990s, Chris Vogler circulated a paper at his studio about how the journey of the mythical hero could be incorporated into scripts to make the story more compelling. He drew heavily on the work of Joseph Campbell, notably The Hero with a Thousand Faces. His formula was so successful that he ended up writing a book, The Writer’s Journey, which is now on the must-read list of every Hollywood screenwriter.

The reason I mention it is that, while it might not be immediately obvious, the hero’s journey is extremely relevant to romance films, be they serious love stories or romantic comedies. After all, what is the classic formula “boy meets girl, boy loses girl, boy gets girl back” if not a hero’s journey? The story starts with desire – the strongest desire human beings ever feel – and that puts the hero or heroine on a path of testing, trials, and self-discovery as they get closer to what they really want. Pay attention the next time you watch a romance film, and you’ll see this formula at work.

Astrology is an extremely cerebral discipline. Contrary to what many people think, you have to be very bright to understand all the math involved, to grasp the nature of the various planetary energies and how they interact with each other, to keep so much information in your head, and to be able to recall it on demand and see how it applies in a given chart or situation. Of course, someone thought of writing a book called Astrology for Dummies, but the fact is, there’s no such thing, because if you’re really a dummy, you won’t get it.

And, good astrologers have to be more than just smart. We also have to have excellent intuition, because astrology is both a science and an art. The best astrologers are those rare individuals whose left and right brains are in synch.

Because we are so cerebral and so immersed in our subject, we are easily trapped into using astrology as an intellectual exercise to avoid having to actually live. The special knowledge we have of how the Universe works does not make us immune to having to feel what everyone else feels. The fact is that love is extremely scary, because it’s the one thing that forces us to face up to ourselves. Could that be why we hate the common question so much?

When a client asks me about love, my response is, “Let’s have a look at your chart.” Inside, I’m smiling, because I know that she doesn’t have a clue what she’s really asking, especially if she’s very young. But of course I don’t tell her that. She’ll figure out soon enough that anyone who is seeking true love has to go through a complete metamorphosis. Fortunately, there’s no better tool for helping the process along than astrology. The tests and trials that come in a romantic relationship ultimately have to do with the self, and astrology is incredibly efficient in this regard, because it allows the client to step outside herself and get some distance. Once her perceptions are validated, she can get out of the pit of guilt, shame, and blame that keep her stuck.

So that’s my devious plan: help people on their quest for love, and the world ultimately will be a better place.

What I really want to know, though, is when will I find true love?