Tag Archives: Pluto in synastry

Ask Real Astrologers: Why Did He Run Away?

Looking for AnswersThis week’s question comes from Carolina in Bilbao, Spain:

I met a man in Bilbao in November 2008. In a few days we both felt attracted. A short time after that he ran away and never came back in what I think has been an attempt to avoid the depth of his feelings (I guess this, as his Pluto is making a quintile to my Venus). The psychic connection has always been very strong, although he denied it. And yes, we have more lives together than this one in which we share a deep love and companionship. I can’t deny my feelings and the fact is that I’m still longing for him and hoping he’s coming back, although this isn’t doing me any good.

Now my question, how do you understand this quintile Venus-Pluto, and is there any hope for my wish to live this love, according to the astrological point of view? Will he come back ready to live this experience with me? Could it be that this Pluto aspect means that I represent all that he is afraid of and so the possibility for this love to be real is zero?

Carolina, your story is so familiar that I doubt there are few women (or men) out there who haven’t experienced a situation like this at least once in their lives. In fact, I’ve received so many versions of this question that I wrote an article some time ago entitled, “Will He Come Back to Me?” And, while I tend not to take a question more than once in my Q&A column, I feel that I need to revisit this one periodically.

It’s obvious that you have a good knowledge of astrology. Most people don’t even know what a quintile or Vertex are, so I commend you for that. This can be a problem, though, because when you learn about these chart features, you tend to overlook the more obvious aspects in favor of these relatively minor things. They can add to our understanding, but rarely are they the determining factors behind events or relationships.

You are correct that Pluto was on your Vertex at the time you met your love interest. However, there were other, more powerful forces at work that I would consider far weighter. Take a good look at your chart again, and you will see a very dramatic T-square, with transiting Saturn and Uranus opposite one another and square your natal Venus. Moreover, Uranus is exactly conjunct your natal Moon. At the same time, the transiting lunar nodes were on your Ascendant and Descendant – very big.

This tells me that a sudden and upsetting relationship came into your life, and yes, it appears to have been some sort of destiny, and the gentleman in question was someone you “knew” from somewhere else. But frankly, Caroline, I don’t think this was meant to last. Given the dramatic aspects in your transit chart and the strong presence of Uranus – which, by the way, is the ruler of your Descendant – I think this relationship was about awakening your consciousness. Indeed, Uranus often is referred to as the Awakener.

Judging from the stories I hear from clients, it also appears that more and more people are experiencing “other-life” encounters, and I’ve written quite a bit over the past few years about how these encounters are catalysts to propel us to a higher level of consciousness. Usually, these relationships are painful, because that’s the only way to get our attention! Also, it’s well-known in occult studies that pain is a transformer. Not coincidentally, this is concept is strongly associated with Pluto.

Looking at your compatibility chart, I attribute the fast attraction to your Mars in Aries opposite his Pluto, combined with your Moon trine his Mars. These aspects are indicators of powerful passion, and your Aries Mars is going to go for what it wants!

Now, there are lots of other things I could say about your compatibility chart, and in fact you do share some positive connections, along with others that are problematic. That’s beyond the scope of this column, though, and anyway, you asked me specifically about why I think he might have dashed away. I am sorry to tell you this, Carolina, but it appears that your love interest is a bit of a playboy. Women often miss the vital information, especially when they are physically attracted to a man, but I’ll bet if you look back and think about it, you’ll realize that he gave you some vital clues about his intentions.

As for his emotional distance, I’d attribute that to his Moon in Capricorn. These folks feel very deeply but do not easily share their feelings. Add that to his secretive Scorpio Sun, and you’ve got someone who needs to be drawn out carefully, over time. It’s quite possible that he felt exposed with you, because your Moon in Pisces is indeed very psychic.

And that brings me to my last point, which is that your strong psychic connection may have been one-way. In other words, you felt it strongly with him, but he didn’t share it. I know lots about this, because, like you, I have Moon in Pisces. We pick up on the thoughts and feelings of those around us – sometimes without even knowing it – and we also have a strong ability to recognize connections from other lives. We tend to assume that just because we feel it, the other person must, too. But that’s often not the case.

I feel your pain, Carolina, and I’m sure many other readers do, too, as so many of us have been through this experience. My advice to you is to try to understand the experience in a broader context and to learn from it, and do put yourself out there to date other men. I have a feeling you will find someone much more appropriate, with whom you can have a stable and equal partnership.

Much love and many blessings to you, and thanks so much for telling your story.

Aquarius, the sign of astrologyPat

Got a quick question? Click here to contact Ask Real Astrologers. You must use this form to contact me, or I won’t get your question. I do read all of your questions, although I am sorry that I can’t answer them all. If you need immediate guidance or in-depth advice, please contact me for a private consultation. THANKS!

Saturday Extra! Pluto and Obsession in Relationships

[This article originally appeared on Sept. 11, 2010.]

With Pluto about to go direct, I thought this would be a good time to reflect on a very Plutonic topic, obsession.

Occasionally a client will admit to me that he or she is obsessed with a relationship, but it’s something few people want to admit. Obsessions can cause a great deal of suffering, embarrassment, and shame – another Plutonic feeling – and so we often try to shove it down, forget about it, or overcome it. At the very least, we attempt to hide it so that others won’t know.

I unabashedly advise my clients to focus more attention on the object of their obsession, not less. Some might think that’s mentally unsound, but let me explain my reasoning.

In my observation over the years, there’s always a reason for an obsession. It may not be obvious, and often it’s not what the obsession seems to be about. But usually there is a compelling reason. To my way of thinking, it’s mentally unhealthy to stay stuck in the obsession, but you won’t get unstuck by ignoring it. The very fact that it’s knocking you so hard over the head and heart means that you have an issue that needs to be resolved. The only way to resolve it is to confront it head on.

Astrology is an amazingly effective tool for doing just that, and I’ve helped many clients figure out what is going on to cause them such distress.

Before I discuss this further, let me emphasize that I’m not talking about clinical obsessive-compulsive disorder, which requires professional intervention. Even in that case, though, confronting the tendency to obsess is critical in getting help.

With few exceptions, the clients who come to me with an obsession are fixated on a certain person, or someone is obsessed with them. Sometimes they are in a relationship already and are having difficulties because one partner is obsessed with the other. In these cases, looking at Pluto in the synastry chart is the first order of business.

There are several Pluto aspects that indicate this kind of attachment, but the ones I look for are the conflicting aspects (oppositions and squares) between one partner’s Pluto and the other’s Moon, Mars, Venus, or Sun. Other Pluto aspects can spell trouble, too, but those are the ones that consistently pop up. If one person has a difficult Pluto aspect in the natal chart to start with, the resulting obsession can be extremely intense.

If there are no difficult Pluto aspects, then I start looking for other indicators. Neptune aspects sometimes tell me that the client isn’t seeing the reality of the situation. For example, he or she may wish to be in a relationship with someone who isn’t interested or available. If this is the case, I ask what that person represents to the client. Unfortunately, this puts me in a tough position, because I have to deliver the bad news that the desired lover is in all probability not The One, and that’s not what they want to hear.

Occasionally, I see very close karmic connections between the client and the person he or she is obsessing about. In many ways, these cases are even more challenging than the aforementioned situation, because there are complications. After all, if two people destined to fall in love meet, date, and marry, they usually don’t need me! The only time I’m called in is when one person is either unaware of the connection or is aware but in a committed relationship already.

It does appear that we’re in an accelerated time period in which more and more people are finding a long-lost soul mate. Reconnecting with our intended other is part of the deep healing process that so many of us are experiencing.

If you are obsessing over someone and want to know why, please consider contacting me for a reading. Depending on your situation, you may want to order True Love, the Complete Compatibility Report, or you may want a telephone consultation. Before we talk, I’ll make an in-depth analysis of your chart and give you my interpretation of what’s going on. Together, we’ll figure it out!

Aquarius, the sign of astrologyPat

Image: © Konradbak for Dreamstime.com

Ask Real Astrologers: Will His Pluto Transit Wreck Our Marriage?

This week’s question comes from Cathy in the Philippines:

My question is basically about my marriage. I’ve been told my husband [has] a devastating Pluto transit going on in his chart and that it may very well get worse for our relationship … Will the stars be able to say if a permanent separation is possible? What’s the best way for ME to deal with this transit vis-a-vis my own? I’ve actually not had a look at my own transits in comparison to his.

Aquarius expounds . . .

Pat’s response:

Well, Cathy, we don’t have to look very far to see that there’s a lot going on in your life!

In your natal chart, you have a tight square between Pluto and Saturn, and these currently are being activated by transiting Pluto, which also happens to be on your lunar North Node. The New Moon in Aries yesterday formed the last leg to make a grand cardinal cross.

To translate, you are at a crossroads at which there are many changes ahead for you. The New Moon suggests that these will be positive new beginnings, although there’s a lot of heavy energy playing out in your life right now, so I don’t expect you’re feeling anything like “excitement about new adventures” and all that. By the looks of it, you may feel backed into a corner and forced to accept circumstances that you would not have wanted, given a choice.

At the same time, transiting Saturn has just passed over your Sun and is squaring your Moon in Sagittarius. Challenging Saturn-Moon transits can make us feel depressed, isolated, and alone, even if it isn’t the case, although unfortunately sometimes a key relationship does end under this influence.

On the bright side, Jupiter is making a nice trine to your natal Venus-Uranus conjunction and also to your Ascendant. I think this will bring you some relief. If your husband decides to leave, it looks to me like you will find someone else very quickly.

Other than that, I am not going to comment on his chart, as ultimately you don’t have any control over what he does or doesn’t do with his heavy Pluto transit. All you can control is your response to your own transits, and you have all you can handle without trying to look after him, too.

Although you are going through a hard time, I believe you are going to come out of this very well, and you will look back and see that the events happening now were necessary to get you to a better, happier place.

I wish you much love and courage.

Libra ponders . . .

Neith’s response:

Cathy, with your Libra Rising, having a partner is very important to you, and you obviously take holding up your end of the bargain seriously. However, Venus, Libra’s ruler, is tucked away in your twelfth house conjunct Uranus and blessing you with a naturally independent streak, as does your Sagittarius Moon.

As Pat noted, Pluto is exactly opposing your Saturn in Cancer now. Your Saturn is also conjunct your husband’s Venus, giving us a great example of how conjunctions in synastry affect both parties. The Saturn-Venus conjunction likes being married, and having Pluto opposing this conjunction is not comfortable in any sense. Pluto cares nothing whatsoever for conventions and is intent on slowing transforming your views in this regard.

You have an agreeable sextile between your Saturn in Cancer and Mars in Taurus, reinforcing the side of you that likes routine and keeping things simple. Combine this with Rising Libra’s well-known fondness for not rocking the boat, and it’s easy to see why you may feel split down the middle right now.

Something I’ve found to be a good rule of thumb for evaluating if you have made a good choice for yourself is if the dominant feeling is one of relief. My hunch is that once you have come to a decision, you will be surprised at how much clearer you feel. The last week in May might be a good time to watch out for fireworks, when Mars in Aries crosses your Descendant and conjoins your husband’s Mercury-Moon.

Good luck and be well, Cathy.

Got a quick question? Click here to contact Ask Real Astrologers. We are getting some really great questions but unfortunately can’t use many of them, as they are missing information. If you’d like us to consider your question for this column, you must include your day, month (spelled out), year, and place of birth, and time if you know it. If you don’t, indicate “time unknown.” Also, we must have your current location. This is not optional. Thanks!

Ask Real Astrologers: Freaked Out by Pluto

This week’s question comes from Danae in Wellington, New Zealand:

I’ve been quietly freaking out re: this whole Pluto in Capricorn thing and how it affects me, especially the relationship I’m in at the moment — intense, to say the least. Any advice or insight on what’s in store? Although I must say, I am struggling in so many areas of my life at the moment. Am I doomed?

Aquarius expounds . . .

Pat’s response:

Danae, it does look like you are getting hit doubly hard by this Pluto transit, but it certainly does not mean you are doomed!

Pluto currently is opposite your Sun in Cancer, although he will not form an exact opposition until next January. He’s about to go retrograde and will back off from your Sun until then. Still, he’s too close for comfort, and you apparently are feeling this.

The good news is that, unlike some Pluto transits, you do have a large degree of control over a Pluto-Sun opposition. Your mission, should you choose to accept it, is to ruthlessly monitor your own behavior to make sure that you are not trying to force other people to live on your terms. We can fool ourselves into thinking it’s “for their own good,” but more often than not, it’s because we want to remain in control, for whatever reason. Sometimes this transit can work the other way around — in other words, someone is trying to force you into their box. In this case, your job is to fight back, but in a way that allows you both free expression of your life purpose and highest potential.

Pluto also is creeping up on your Descendant, which is the beginning of the seventh house of intimate relationships. He’s currently a couple of degrees away, and once he turns retrograde, he’ll back way off and won’t cross your Descendant until 2011. However, you gave your birth time as exactly on the hour, and it’s rare to be born that punctually. I’m wondering whether you may have been born a few minutes before the hour. If so, Pluto indeed may be crossing your Descendant, which indicates that relationship issues are coming to a head.

Astrologers can use this kind of information to do chart rectification, a technique for determining your exact birth time. Unfortunately, in your case, Pluto opposite your Sun mimics some of the effects of Pluto crossing the Descendant, so we’d have to look for other clues.

In any case, there’s no need to freak out. This is a power transit, so use it wisely!

Libra ponders . . .

Neith’s response:

Danae, I’m going to respond with some thoughts about your relationship and the synastry aspects I believe are the source of the most contention.

As you may know, Pluto in Libra is square your natal Mercury in Cancer, bringing all his usual control issues and inclination to be obsessive with him. So when your sweetie’s Pluto is within a couple degrees of yours, his Pluto reinforces what is already happening in your chart.

Sure, his Pluto is exactly sextile your Venus in Leo – very good for passionate encounters – but his Saturn is also conjunct your Venus. This can result in a lot of mixed signals coming your way. On one hand, he obviously finds you very desirable, while on the other, he may be uncomfortable with your style. Venus in Leo does go for eye-catching after all. Your Pluto also falls right in there with his natal Pluto-Mars conjunction, adding to the powerful draw between you.

The question I have for you is this: what expectations do you and he have regarding this relationship and each other, and what expectations do you have of yourself? If you two can clearly define what’s going on here and continue to practice being as open as possible with each other, it will help! And I will add my usual caveat regarding Pluto, which is to work on detachment – always.

I would like to add, Danae, your overall synastry with this man is not bad at all. Good luck!

Got a quick question? Click here to contact Ask Real Astrologers. We are getting some really great questions but unfortunately can’t use many of them, as they are missing information. If you’d like us to consider your question for this column, you must include your day, month (spelled out), year, and place of birth, and time if you know it. If you don’t, indicate “time unknown.” Also, we must have your current location. This is not optional. Thanks!

The Synastry of Obsession

Prosperine by RossettiMany times we need to choose what the nature of a relationship will be. Will we be friends or lovers?

When the outer planets are dominant in a compatibility chart, we often are drawn into a relationship despite our best intentions. I recently received an email from a young woman asking about her troublesome relationship with a young man, and in the process of looking at their synastry chart, I realized she may have been overwhelmed by the undertows created by the outer planets.

In their natal charts, they both have Moon in Libra and Mercury in Scorpio, indicating emotional and mental compatibility. However, her Sun in Capricorn is square his Libra Moon, even though his Sagittarius Sun is sextile her Moon in Libra. In most instances, a Sun-Moon square creates the possibility of misunderstandings and makes it difficult to sustain an intimate relationship. Nonetheless, this is pretty darn good chemistry.

Pluto’s influence is very evident, with his Mars-Pluto square and her Mars conjunct Pluto in Scorpio. It’s like they both have Mars in Scorpio on steroids. Both have Moon-Pluto natal aspects, so finding perspective in emotional matters is challenging, to say the least. Pluto and the sign her rules, Scorpio, both have obsessive qualities. Pluto’s role in both natal charts says they are both intense and possibly obsessive.

However, Neptune is also prominent in both charts. Neptune is conjunct her Sun-Venus, and he has also has Venus, Mercury, and Neptune conjunct in Sagittarius. In their synastry, his Sagittarius stellium conjoins her Mercury, a combination just about guaranteed to create a lot of empathy. It also indicates a possible psychic connection. The problem here, though, is that confusion can arise as a result. Venus-Neptune aspects make it difficult to sort romantic expectations from reality, too.

Just to make things more interesting, her Uranus conjoins his Sagittarius Sun – always good for instant attraction. A couple of wide Venus-Uranus synastry aspects add to the possibility of things heating up quickly and cooling down just as fast. The one planet not strongly represented in their synastry is Saturn. Saturn can help us stay grounded and practical – both necessary for durability.

As is also quite common with outer planet influences in synastry, the circumstances surrounding this relationship make being together as a couple difficult to bring about. To her credit, this woman understands what is at stake and is doing her best to detach from the relationship in order to preserve her sanity.

As an astrologer looking at their charts, I can see both the carrot (all the personal planet conjunctions for comfort and mutual understanding) and the trap (the outer planet synastry aspects), so the fact this relationship developed is not at all surprising. When someone has Libra rising and a Moon in Libra conjunct the Ascendant as well, learning life’s lessons through the vehicle of relationships is a given.

As to how to deal with this, I recommend getting a copy of Donna Cunningham’s book, Healing Pluto Problems. Donna believes those of us with powerful Pluto signatures in our charts can heal ourselves, and I can affirm that having done it. I send many blessings and lots and lots of good wishes flowing out to this young woman. Have courage; you can succeed.

Libra, an Air signposted by Neith . . .

Saturday Archives: Second Thoughts on Pluto in Synastry

New Extra-solar Planet by David HardyHere is another post on Pluto in synastry from the Archives. One of the reasons I feel people find Pluto so daunting in both the natal chart and in synastry is because of the Pluto paradox of wanting to control and being unable to.

That is a deliberate play on words because if you see Pluto playing a major role in a chart comparison, i.e., conjunct the other person’s Moon or Ascendant, second thoughts about pursuing the relationship are in order. My reasoning here has to do with the reality that for most people, Pluto acts through them in an unconscious manner. For someone deep in a Plutonian obsession, it takes a pretty big smack on the head to get their attention, and you can’t be sure you’ve got it for very long either.

Pluto in aspect to the personal planets either natally or in synastry can show us the type of obsession. The Sun/Pluto contact is about “finding” our selves, usually by jumping in the deep end. The Moon/Pluto is obviously about exploring emotional entanglements and taking them to extremes. Mercury/Pluto can find us taking a particular line of thought to the bitter end. Venus/Pluto contacts can lead us to sacrifice our selves for what we are calling ‘Love’ and Mars/Pluto . . . well, that’s where we find out about rage. These are my personal key phrases – Mars/Mercury conjunct in Scorpio at work, going for the essence.

Pluto too wants to plumb of depths of experience . . . and he’s not fussy about whether that experience is positive or negative. When transiting Pluto was conjuncting my Moon in Libra, the relationships drawn into my life were with very different types than I had been involved with either before or after. I am a pretty typical well-educated middle class woman who happened to grow up on a farm and Pluto pulled alcoholic, drug addicted cons and ex-cons into my life for a period of about two years. These were all obsessive relationships where I behaved in a manner quite different from my usual calm and cheerful self.

That I survived the experience without too much damage is most likely due to a very hardworking guardian angel, and a natal Moon sextile Pluto/Saturn. The way out was in the form of drug & alcohol counselor, who asked the right questions, educated me as to what was going on and pointed out the direction to my usual habitat. I was very lucky and there are many people out there right now who are not . . .

Saturn placements can play a big role in how we handle Pluto – either in our own charts or in synastry. He can represent the solid bottom we can hit spiraling down in the grip of a Pluto inspired obsession. Sometimes we need Saturn’s willingness to deal with a problem one step at a time to find our way back. Perhaps it’s because I have the Saturn/Pluto conjunction (in the 9th House) natally sextile my Moon/Neptune conjunction (in the 11th House) that I understand how those two working together can support, protect and teach so much.

Libra, Venus ruledposted by Neith . . .

Saturday Archives: Pluto in Synastry

I decided to continue with the Pluto theme and pulled out this post on Pluto in Synastry. Because Pluto in our charts, in synastry and by transit teaches us about control and how in the long run how little we really have, it is my opinion we can never learn too much about this small but powerful planet at the outer edges of our solar system.


When I was asked about Pluto in synastry that question started this amazing upwelling of information . . . so here’s a big Thank You to the person who asked! In fact, there is so much coming up from the depths of my mind I may be at this for awhile . . .

First, it is necessary to remember Pluto is a major player (ignore those deluded folks who reclassified him as a dwarf planet) among the outer planets. The nature of the outer planets and the impact they have on us poor humans is profound and often difficult to discern and articulate. The only reason I’m attempting this is because Pluto by transit has conjuncted every single planet in my chart except Uranus and he opposed that. I’m sure there are a lot of other people out there who have shared this experience but as an astrologer I’m probably most compelled to use those experiences to help others understand just what the hell happened to their carefully crafted lives!

As always we need to look at how Pluto operates in our own charts first before we can look at how he works in synastry. Those of us with lots of Scorpio, loaded 8th Houses or Pluto in aspect to the personal planets and Ascendant, all have at least a starting point. My recommendation is to take note of where you are obsessing about something or someone, or having someone obsessing about you – then stop feeding energy into that. And personal experience says that is HARD sometimes! However, unless we can shine some light in those areas and apply good old fashioned common sense, we will continue to beat our heads against the wall of those obsessions. Liz Greene has written some amazing information about Pluto in her book, “The Astrology of Fate”. Reading that was very helpful for me in identifying and reducing my obsessions to a manageable level. “Manageable” is the key as the darn things are not going to disappear and blow away. So all you high-minded sorts that would prefer to remain above all that . . . not going to happen and it will only make things worse.

When it comes to relationships and Pluto we have to prepare ourselves to be an honest as possible about our motives and expectations. If a person has Pluto in the 7th House natally, they are just about guaranteed to find themselves dealing with control issues in their one-on-one relationships. Pluto/Moon aspects natally will often translate for men as seeing women as ball busting bitches, sad to say. And for women, well, that can emerge as this horrifying desire to run someone else’s life done to the tiniest detail. The way I see it these urges can end up eating up so much time and energy, there is nothing left for simply enjoying life as a couple. This is why I keep going back to the theme of getting to know, understand and accept ourselves first before running out and jumping into relationships. Being Libra, I have to say . . . on the other hand . . . there is the school of thought that says we learn by doing!

There will be much more forthcoming but for now, I’d like to pay homage to Pluto, Hades, Kali, Erishkagal and the many faces of that part of Life where something must be destroyed to make way for the possibility of renewal. By surrendering ourselves to this aspect of the cycle of being, we can open ourselves up to transformation as expressed by the Phoenix.

This is a painting done by David A. Hardy titled “Pluto and Charon” . . . simply stunning! To see more go to: http://www.solarvoyager.com/dhardy.asp

synastry, Libra specialtyposted by Neith . . .