Category Archives: Love & Relationships

Ask Real Astrologers: Is There a Chance for Us?

This week’s question comes from Elena in Romania:

I broke up with my friend last autumn. I am trying so hard to be with him again but he is so cold and distant. Please, just tell me, is there a chance for us?

Elena, your words could have been written by any one of millions of women around the world. I have been among you, and my heart breaks for us all.

I have been writing about this topic for years and see this situation as an indication of a fundamental wound on our planet. Many of us are trying to heal now, just when planetary energies are shifting to bring everything and everyone back into alignment. That is the good news. The bad news is that we have to go through this painful situation and suffer as a perquisite to healing. So many people I know are going through exactly what you describe.

To put it another way, our individual suffering is mirrored in the collective and vice versa.

As to your particular situation, you’ve been affected very heavily by Mars in Leo. He has been in your first house for an extended stay, and he has crossed over your natal Sun and Mars twice already — once forward and once retrograde — and now he’s about to cross them for a third and final time. In last week’s column, I addressed some of the effects of Mars retrograde on the Sun. There’s a major difference, however, in that you’ve got Mars going through your first house, and he’s also opposite your seventh-house Moon, which can make you more emotional than usual.

Moreover, both you and your friend have a lot of fixed energy in your chart (the fixed signs are Taurus, Leo, Scorpio, and Aquarius). In fact, it’s quite interesting to note that you both were born near a Full Moon — you, with Sun in Leo and Moon in Aquarius, and your friend with Sun in Taurus and Moon in Scorpio.

Although you may have generated a lot of passion and heat in the beginning, you need to know that a long-term relationship with this person would entail ongoing conflict. It’s not impossible to make it work, but you would have to be very committed to each other, to your own personal growth, and to learning how to communicate without hurting each other. That may be the karmic lesson you need to learn, but I believe that you would eventually be happier with a relationship that isn’t so taxing and that allows your Leo personality to shine.

Thank you for writing, Elena. I really do feel your pain and hope that you soon will find peace for your troubled heart and soul.

For anyone who is interested, I do synastry readings, with a special gift for finding your karmic connections. I should warn you, though, that karmic connections aren’t always easy, nor do they necessarily mean that you were made for each other for all time. Many people I know are working through karmic relationships right now and are enduring a lot of pain in the process. What I can do for you is to help you identify the issue you are working on so that you can focus on that and get through your lesson as efficiently as possible.

Got a quick question? Click here to contact Ask Real Astrologers. You must use this form to contact me, or I won’t get your question. Be sure to fill out all the fields, and please spell out the month of your birthday. If you don’t know your time of birth, indicate “time unknown.” You can also use the drop-down menu above under “About Us” to get to the question form. THANKS!

Saturday Archives: Neptune in Libra’s Romantic Expectations

With all the planets in Neptune ruled Pisces at this time, I decided to pull out this post on growing up with a natal Neptune in relationship oriented Libra.

During the time Pluto was in Leo, Neptune was in Libra from 1942 until 1957, approximately fifteen years and the most quintessential Boomer years. Being born fairly early in that cycle when Saturn in Leo conjoined Pluto, I have observed this generation from the inside and we are a mixed bag – especially when it comes to romantic ideals.

As most people who have read my blog know I am not a fan of romance with a capital ‘R’ and the reason I’m not is due to my own experiences living with a Moon conjunct Neptune in Libra. Neptune’s natural inclination to romanticize is exacerbated by being in Libra. I wasted more time and energy on men who had amazing potential – unmanifested but amazing. Many of them had major problems with drugs and alcohol, sometimes related to PTSD from crawling through the jungles of Vietnam. I was so convinced I could “rescue” them and we could live happily ever after. WRONG!

I believe I owe my recovery from an addiction to romance to Saturn because it was my first Saturn return when the illusions started coming apart and reality came crashing in. My Saturn-Pluto conjunction in Leo is sextile my Moon-Neptune, giving Saturn an opening to work with. Unlike others of my generation who managed to return to a blissful state of denial after their Saturn returns, I also had a Pluto transit conjoining my Moon at the same time and the combination stomped on expectations hard.

An alcohol and drug counselor introduced me to the concept of co-dependency and reading Anne Wilson Schaef’s books, “When Society Becomes an Addict” and “Women’s Reality” furthered my education. I was able to spot my mother’s co-dependent behavior patterns showing up in mine and in true Plutonian fashion, excise them slowly over time. Donna Cunningham’s gem of a book, “An Astrological Guide to Self-Awareness” opened my eyes to the astrology of what was going on and gave me some simple but effective tools to use in this process.

What didn’t help was growing up reading romance novels. Because while the prototype for today’s romance novels has been around for a long, long time, it took Neptune moving into Libra sextile Pluto in dramatic Leo to turn this genre into the multimillion dollar business it is today. Neptune in Libra folks grew up reading these, convinced we had a soul mate out there somewhere who would sweep in and rescue us from our boring mundane lives. Sad to say, there are plenty of wonderful, kind men and women who were passed over because of the expectations raised by this genre.

One other thing . . . I consider myself very, very fortunate to have managed to come across the right information at the right time which I attribute to a strong twelfth house chart with Jupiter in Scorpio conjoining my Libra Sun-Chiron. This gives me some ability to navigate through Neptune’s illusions, pretty as they are. Pluto transits taught me lessons on the realization all change must come from within.

I am a firm believer in love and the wonderful changes loving another can make in us. Treating ourselves in a loving manner is one of the keys to being able to genuinely care for others too. It is just the nebulous concept of Romantic Love that leaves me cold. The upside of Neptune is the ability to feel compassion and take a genuine interest in other people’s comfort and well being – no small thing. Neptune is marvelous source of inspiration but it sure helps to have Saturn backing him up!

posted by Diane . . .

Ask Real Astrologers: Can Moon Square Moon in Synastry Work?

This week’s question is adapted from Diane’s personal blog, Libra Seeking Balance. Pat is taking a personal day but she will be back next week to add her thoughts to your questions.

My partner’s Moon is square my Moon in our synastry chart. Can a relationship with this aspect survive? This would seem to spell death for any kind of meaningful emotional connection.

Diane’s response:

A couple of my loyal readers on Libra Seeking Balance generously sent me more information enabling me to take a deeper look at the synastry with their partners, both instances with Moon in Leo square Moon in Scorpio. Naturally, the results were quite interesting, at least for this Libra astrologer.

In the first case, I was amazed to see ten conjunctions between personal planets and angles in their synastry. It has always been my contention we need a conjunction or three between the charts to provide enough common ground on which to build a relationship. Trines and sextiles add harmonics, squares and inconjuncts add dissonance, and oppositions can bring balance as well as tension. But without conjunctions tying the whole composition together, the relationship will often gradually (or abruptly) fall apart.

Perhaps the most significant aspects are Moon conjunct Mercury and Mercury conjunct Moon. This set of aspects is an “intra-aspect,” where the same two planets from both charts aspect each other, in this case forging a direct link between thoughts and feelings. Even though one partner’s Mercury is square the others by sign, indicating very different styles processing information, when they sit down to talk about how they feel, understanding quickly emerges.

Venus conjunct Venus is another winner, as is Mars sextile Mars. Both of these aspects contribute to their mutual happiness by indicating similar ideas of fun and the ability to work together on projects as a couple.

The second couple with a Moon in Leo square Moon in Scorpio is shy on conjunctions but does have several other very favorable synastry aspects. Among them is an alignment of one partner’s Ascendant with the other’s Descendant, which creates a sense of natural partnership. Underscoring this is an abundance of one person’s planets, including both the Sun and Moon, in the other person’s seventh house.

A very nice intra-aspect for them is Sun trine Saturn and Saturn sextile Sun. Harmonious Sun-Saturn synastry aspects provide a solid foundation for lasting relationships and often indicate a marked difference in age. A lovely Moon-Jupiter intra-aspect says they can be emotionally generous and supportive to one another, making it much easier to overlook points of contention.

In this case, Venus is trine Venus by sign and Mars sextile Mars by degree as well as sign – great aspects for planning outings and pleasant weekends together or just getting together to prepare good food at home. Many times it is the small things that can make or break a relationship.

An additional thought on Moon square Moon in Leo and Scorpio has to do with the both being fixed signs. Fixed signs tend to hang onto the status quo, for better or worse, out of a dislike for change. For these two couples, that tenacity has enabled them to move past the rough spots and explore other, more pleasant aspects of their relationships.

It really did help having good, complete birth data (date, time and place) for both parties, because of the importance of the chart wheel and angles in synastry.

Got a quick question? Click here to contact Ask Real Astrologers. You must use this form to contact us, or we don’t get your question. Be sure to fill out all the fields, and please spell out the month of your birthday. If you don’t know your time of birth, indicate “time unknown.” NEW: You can also use the drop-down menu above under “About Us” to get to the question form. THANKS!

Weekly Forecast March 8: Mars Direct

Judith and Holofernes, by Franz von Stuck, 1927. This biblical story has been painted by many artists over the centuries. What could more perfectly depict Venus in Aries? Mars is even sleeping, which is how astrologers often describe retrograde planets.

Finally, Mars turns direct this week. It feels like he has been retrograde forever.

Actually, it’s only been since Dec. 20, but when the planet of anger and aggression is out of sorts, time has a way of dragging. I’ve had him in my seventh house all this time, and he returns direct just a degree shy of my Descendant. Needless to say, I’ve had some challenges in the relationship department.

Mars also rules physical energy, so many of you may be feeling tired and beaten down. The effects for you individually depend on where Mars is transiting your natal chart, which house he rules, and whether he’s making aspects to natal planets.

With Venus newly arrived in Mars-ruled Aries, we can expect some fireworks in our close relationships, especially romantic partnerships. Venus is in her detriment in Aries, but fortunately she’s in a lovely trine with Mars, and both make contact with stabilizing Saturn. This gives me hope that any arguments and temper tantrums that may erupt will lead to productive discussions about what we can do to improve relationships with our partners. After all, conflict is often just an indication of an imbalance that needs to be corrected, and Saturn in Libra, even retrograde, is good for this.

If you find yourself in these circumstances, the first half of the week will be the most active. Venus opposes Saturn on Tuesday, with the Moon in Saturn-ruled Capricorn throwing more cold water on feelings of love and affection. You may be able to see through to the source of the problem, but try not to be overwhelmed to the point that you want to throw out the baby with the bathwater.

Mars turns direct on Wednesday. For a couple of days on either side, you may get absolutely nowhere. This could apply literally to your travels, or it could manifest as a conversation that keeps going ’round and ’round in a frustrating endless feedback loop. Should that happen to you, drop it and come back to the subject in a few days or, better still, a week. By that time, Mars will be creeping forward, and your discussion will be much more productive.

In the case of romantic partnerships, sexual fireworks will enter the picture, with Venus squaring Pluto on Thursday. This could complicate matters, or it could help resolve them. Many couples find their “solution” in the bedroom, and while Venus-Pluto aspects have a reputation for lust, they also carry the potential for a deep soul connection. Many times when we’re unhappy in a partnership, it’s because we lack the feeling of a strong connection. When it is restored, the relationship can move forward.

On Sunday, the Sun conjoins Mercury in Pisces, with the Moon in Pisces conjunct Jupiter. This is wonderful for sleeping in, resting, and connecting on deeper levels as we head into the New Moon in Pisces on Monday, March 15. For some, it will be a chance to find some much-needed quiet time and solitude. If you live in the United States, don’t forget to set your clocks forward an hour!

Wishing you all much love and courage,
Pat

Saturday Extra! Mars Retrograde and Tiger Woods

Back in mid-December, when Mars went retrograde in Leo, I had a discussion with a friend about how this might manifest in the collective. We agreed that we needed to watch the news headlines for big egos being brought down.

Mars is the quintessential ego planet and symbol of the universal masculine, and Leo is the sign of pride. It made sense that male pride would be wounded in some dramatic way with Mars retrograde in Leo, and we wondered whether there would be some accountability and perhaps, ultimately, deep healing.

U.S. President Obama, a Leo, certainly has had his share of humbling moments in the past few months. But no one has had a more dramatic public shaming than pro golfer Tiger Woods, who has been making news headlines since late November, when a minor car accident at his home in Florida led to a full-blown scandal involving the revelation of extramarital affairs with several women.

There are plenty of things going on in Tiger’s chart to suggest major challenges, especially involving his marriage. For starters — and this alone would account for just about all of his troubles — the past year’s Saturn-Uranus opposition has been taking place tightly conjunct his Ascendant and Descendant, the most important angles in the birth chart. When Saturn crosses the Ascendant, it can feel as though our lives are falling apart, especially if we have been ignoring deep personal issues and neglecting the well-being of our soul.

Mars has been transiting Tiger’s eleventh house, which rules the collective. On February 19, with Mars closing in on an exact conjunction with his natal Saturn at 1 degree Leo, he bit the bullet and issued a public apology. Opinion polls showed that most of the television-watching public believed he was sincere, but a majority said that if they were his wife, they wouldn’t forgive him.

The tabloids, of course, have been having a field day speculating on the response and inner turmoil of Tiger’s wife, Elin Nordegren, a former swimsuit model born in Sweden. By the way, they are both Capricorn, the sign of responsibility and obligation. Capricorns are noted for being able to endure pain and suffering in order to reach their lofty goals. On the downside, Capricorn can be entirely too fixated on material success, to the exclusion of spiritual growth.

There are times when our personal story is no longer our own, and I believe this to be the case for Tiger and Elin. Their personal relationship is making headlines not just because of the public fascination with lurid details, but because it is a story that everyone can identify with. And because this story is now deeply embedded in the collective, how the couple handles their problem holds great potential for healing a collective wound caused by the separation of the divine masculine and feminine. A public apology and a commitment to enter family therapy is a good start, and it’s entirely consistent with the energy of Mars retrograde in Leo.

It will be interesting to see what happens once Mars begins moving forward again, with Venus, symbol of the universal feminine, in Mars-ruled Aries. I have a feeling he’ll have to meet some personal demands, and he has a lot of work to do before he’s out of the woods. And, they are young (he’s 34 and she’s 30) and are surrounded by a lot of pressure to equate success with material possessions, when success as a couple depends on something entirely different.

Pat

Ask Real Astrologers: What Is the Significance of the Sun-Moon Midpoint in Synastry?

This week’s question comes from Kerry in London, England:

There does not appear to be much info on the Sun-Moon midpoint in synastry out there. My midpoint is conjunct his North Node, and this guy’s midpoint is conjunct my South Node. In addition, his midpoint is conjunct my Jupiter. We certainly have a strong connection and have been in “deep” contact for 18 months, but bizarrely have never met in person … I would be very interested to know what your take is on this.

Diane’s response:

Kerry, I tend to weight all the calculated points in the chart much less than the planets or the chart angles (Ascendant, Descendant, Midheaven and Nadir) in synastry. Other calculated points used frequently in synastry are the Vertex and the Moon’s Nodes. They all can add depth to the interpretation, but not much more.

It is easy to see the attraction you have for each other, with his Sun in Gemini conjoined your Sun-Venus in Gemini in your seventh house. We always enjoy interacting with people whose Venus is conjunct our Sun. Plus, his Mars exactly conjunct your Ascendant is wonderfully energizing for you.

However, I highly recommend figuring out some way to meet and chat in person, because there is no substitute for face time in learning about another person. Remember, your Moon in Capricorn is closely square his Moon in Aries, meaning the two of you respond quite differently on an emotional, intuitive level. Fiery Aries is often in too big a hurry for reserved, careful Capricorn.

Uranus in Pisces will conjoin his North Node and your Sun-Moon midpoint from March 8 to March 24, and that’s about as powerful a transit as there is. Uranus is great for immediate results and should be good for illuminating this synastry aspect!

Let us know how this goes, Kerry, because know I’m curious about these aspects too.

Pat’s response:

Kerry, I always look at the Sun-Moon midpoint in synastry readings, as it can be a strong indicator of a close and long-lasting romantic relationship. However, there has to be a tight conjunction of one partner’s Sun-Moon midpoint and the other person’s Sun, Moon, Venus, or chart angles. It’s interesting that your Jupiter is conjunct his Sun-Moon midpoint, but I wouldn’t attribute your feeling of a deep connection to this.

Likewise, the lunar nodes can be powerful indicators of a karmic connection, but they also have to be closely conjunct a personal planet or chart angle to carry much weight. It’s certainly rare to see a double midpoint-node conjunction, but I wouldn’t consider it an indicator of a strong love match, although it does suggest some kind of karmic tie. That said, not all karmic connections are positive. Some of them fall into the “watch what you wish for” category.

There are a couple of big red flags in your synastry chart that are markers for obsession. Like Diane, I think you need to meet as soon as possible. Although many people these days are meeting via the Internet, many find, when they finally meet, that the fantasy was far better than the reality … not that this is necessarily bad. You may learn a great deal about yourself, and that will only increase your chances of finding someone who is perfect for you.

I have a special place in my heart for people who are searching for true love. I truly hope that you find it, Kerry, and thanks for writing.

Saturday Extra: Saturn Square Pluto and Relationship Pitfalls

This topic just won’t leave me alone. New thoughts keep creeping up from the depths of my twelfth-house Mercury in Scorpio and asking to be shared, perhaps because controlling behaviors (Pluto) can devastate our one-on-one relationships (Libra).

The second exact square between Saturn in Libra and Pluto in Capricorn takes place January 31, another reason this subject in on my mind. Pluto in Capricorn has a strong need to be seen as the top dog in any given situation, while Saturn in Libra keeps reminding him of the importance of fairness and equity. The potential for conflict between these ideas is quite apparent. If we insist on being in control, it is darn hard to practice fairness and equity, isn’t it?

The beauty of the square between planets is how sharply the qualities of the signs involved are brought into focus. Supporting the potential for clarity with the current Saturn-Pluto square in Libra and Capricorn is the fact Saturn, Capricorn’s ruler, is exalted in Libra. Most of us who have worked with modifying behaviors know how important it is to be patient and forgiving of ourselves, because it is a process, often taking many years of vigilance – how Saturn is that! Pluto offers us the strength to go deep, deep into the dark corners of our beings and turn on the lights. From personal experience, I know how what appeared to be a huge monster in the dark can be reduced to something manageable in the light. Truly.

Often the tricky part is not learning to see controlling behaviors in others, but acknowledging it in ourselves. It’s time to look in the mirror, into our own eyes and say, “Yes, I did and do behave like that.” That is the first step. For those of us with Pluto dominating our charts, the next step is often the need to dig around in our emotional basements and figure out why we are driven to control our interactions with others. This is an ongoing, often frustrating but ultimately freeing experience. One of the best sources for help in this area can be found at Donna Cunningham’s blog, Sky Writer. She has many resources listed on her sidebar worth exploring.

Between now and August 21, when Saturn and Pluto meet for their third and final square, we will have plenty of reminders and opportunities to learn more about this topic. In other words, it is not going away any time soon. Fun, huh?! :::grin:::

posted by Diane . . .

Image: I couldn’t resist the obvious metaphor of the return of the light on a winter’s dawn and the new beginnings possible after lighting up the dark places within each of us.

Saturday Extra: Libra and Leo – No Problems, Right?

For a change of pace I decided to do a short post on synastry in response to a reader’s question. She is Libra Sun and her boyfriend is a Leo – very fitting, with Venus having just returned to her home sign and Mars arriving in Leo yesterday.

Ms. Libra asks why her Leo boyfriend has her so baffled all the time when their synastry seems quite good at first glance. Fiery Leo is usually very appreciate of charming Libra.

This is a good example of why it’s important to move past Sun signs for understanding how we relate to others. For those with either Libra Sun or Ascendant, the placement of Venus is particularly important. In Ms. Libra’s chart, Venus is in Scorpio square Saturn in Leo, where both planets are in their detriment. What this means is neither are at their best and brightest. Venus can be obsessive and possessive in Scorpio while, dour Saturn greatly diminishes Leo’s sense of fun.

Mr. Leo’s Sun is conjunct his Venus in Leo, increasing his warmth and charm, but both are square his Jupiter in Scorpio. This has me wondering if perhaps he likes to spread all the charm around a little too much for Ms. Libra’s comfort?

Her Venus conjoins his Jupiter, squaring his Sun-Venus. Venus square Venus in synastry shows a disparity between each individual’s ideas of what constitutes a good time. Scorpio prefers to be alone with their lover and Leo wants to show them off at every party in town.

Another potential source of differences is Mars, his in detached Aquarius and hers in passionate Scorpio. This can lead to heated discussions about how to get things done, because the way they get from ‘A’ to ‘B’ is very different. Scorpio is noted for getting an amazing amount accomplished with a minimum amount of discussion, while Aquarius wants to set up a study group before taking one step.

Is there any workaround for them? Possibly, but they need to be honest with themselves and each other first and foremost. If Ms. Libra has questions about her lover’s fidelity, those need to be addressed ASAP, because with as much Scorpio as she has, anything less than total fidelity is not going to work.

When it comes to their differences about what’s enjoyable (Venus square Venus), finding a compromise probably won’t be that difficult, but the square between her Mars and his, both in fixed signs, may be more challenging. It all depends on how attached each of them is to being right. Sometimes the best solution is to take turns instead of attempting to work together!

With Saturn about to move into Libra, we all will be learning the fine art of compromise when seeking to improve our relationships.

posted by Neith . . .

Ask Real Astrologers: Why Can’t We Communicate?

This week’s question comes from Anita in Maryland:

I am currently in a relationship with a Cancer man who is very special. However, the last three weeks have been awful. We seem to miscommunicate and hurt each other’s feelings so easily. This isn’t the first time this has happened. We were apart for most of January of this year. I really love him and I know that he wants to take some time, but is there any insight you can give us to understand each other better?

Pat’s response:

Anita, there’s a lot going on between the two of you to explain the rough spots, but the immediate problem you’re describing has the marks of Mercury retrograde all over it.

During Mercury retrograde periods, even the best relationships can suffer from miscommunications. Relationships that aren’t on sound footing can fall apart (it has happened to me a few times in my life). This Mercury retrograde was particularly hard on your relationship, because Mercury was sitting on your Descendant, an important chart angle that is the cusp of the seventh house. The seventh house rules marriage and committed partnerships.

Mercury returned direct on September 29, and he’ll cross back over your Descendant a week from today. At that time, you should be able to discuss your most recent problems and get some clarity as to where the breakdown occurred.

Since you indicate that you’ve had ongoing issues, you likely will have to address those, too, and fortunately we’re coming up on a great time for you to do so. Not only will Mercury be in your seventh house, but there’s a New Moon in this area of your chart on October 18 that should help you get a fresh start with your sweetie.

In the meantime, I strongly advise you to get a reading with a qualified astrologer to help you understand the broader aspects between you. I encourage you to ask your partner for his permission to do this and to see whether he’d like to join you for the reading. This is the ethical thing to do, and it will help build trust between you.

I think you’re going to be just fine, but do write and let us know how it goes.

Neith’s response:

Anita, when it comes to relationships, the first thing I always do is look at the natal charts for information on behaviors and habit patterns both people bring with them. Natal aspects to the Moon and Mercury can hold the keys to our habit patterns (Moon) and the way we communicate (Mercury).

On one hand, your Mercury in Aquarius is trine Uranus, blessing you with an innovative, brilliant mind. On the other, it is square Neptune, ruler of your Sun sign, Pisces. I suspect that when emotions enter the picture, you start second guessing yourself, leading to confusion. Be thankful your Moon is generally well-aspected, giving you a high degree of emotional stability.

Your Cancer man has Mercury square Jupiter and Uranus – great for jumping to conclusions before all the facts are in. Since we don’t have a birth time for him, it is not possible to determine whether his Moon is in late Pisces or early Aries. However, in either case Uranus will oppose his Moon, increasing his need for lots of space and feeling emotionally independent.

Pluto in Capricorn conjoining your Moon and squaring his natal Moon-Uranus opposition was the likely culprit triggering the problems you two have been experiencing. Pluto has a way of introducing us to our issues with control and our little obsessions. When it comes to Pluto and Uranus, the tighter Pluto tries to hold on, the faster Uranus will run.

Does any of this sound familiar, Anita? If so, then perhaps an honest discussion about how much space you both need to really appreciate your time together is in order. You both have your Mercury in air signs, enabling you to articulate your feelings, very important for two water sign-Sun people.

Have faith in yourself, Anita, and do your best to keep your hands open, not clenched. Good luck!!

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