Tag Archives: Love & Relationships

Saturday Extra! Soul Mates Revisited

Psyche et L'Amour, by William-Adolphe Bouguereau, 1889.

Since posting a Friday Q&A column recently on soul mates vs. karmic mates, I’ve received a flood of mail essentially asking the same question.

Although I do repeat questions from time to time, I typically don’t answer the same question in the Friday column more than once or twice. Yet, I didn’t want to leave all of you hanging, without a way to answer this burning question. So I’ve decided to offer a new report, accessible to more people.

Before I talk about that, though, I want to comment on the myth of the soul mate.

There seems to be some idea that a soul mate is that perfect person who will complete us and make us feel whole, and we won’t have to do a thing. All it will take is a fated meeting, a gaze deep into their eyes, and our search will be over. Our lives will change, and everything will be good again.

Our lives do change when we have true love, there is no question. What you don’t often hear is that love takes work to nurture and maintain. To expect otherwise would be like planting a garden and expecting it to grow all by itself, with no effort on your part. Imagine getting luscious, ripe tomatoes with no hoeing, weeding, watering, fertilizing, and an occasional bug.

Of course, it’s also true that you have to plant crops suitable for your climate and soil conditions, or no amount of work will get you the desired results. Likewise, some relationships won’t last no matter how much effort you put into them, but you’ll learn an awful lot about yourself, life, and the nature of the universe. Those are what we call “karmic relationships,” as opposed to a soul mate.

To help you figure out which is which, I decided to start offering the “Karmic Ties” section of my Full Compatibility Report as a stand-alone report, at an affordable price of $59. Like the comprehensive report, it’s based on synastry, which is a method of comparing the relationships between planets and key chart points in one person’s chart with those of their partner.

For this to work best, you’ll need to have an accurate birth time for both people. However, if you don’t know your love interest’s time of birth and can’t get it, I can still tell you a lot. It just won’t be the most complete information, and that means there can be gaps in our understanding.

If, after receiving the Soul Mates Karma Report, you decide you’d like to have the full synastry report, I’ll apply the cost of the short report to the long one.

Hopefully, this will serve to provide more answers to more of you.

Much love and many blessings,
Aquarius, the sign of astrologyPat

Ask Real Astrologers: Soul Mates or Karmic Mates?

Looking for Answers My recent Q&A column on soul mates elicited several similar questions, so I’m taking two of them together this week:

I was with my ex for a year but was having doubts and questioning my relationship with him and saw it falling apart. I’m not sure whether he was in my life for a reason, of which I was to learn and keeping growing from, or more of a spiritual growth as I become more aware. I have never felt such deep, devoted love from him, but I do love him so much, from the heart. Could you give me insight on where things are at? Should we be together, or do we need to move on?  ~ Samantha in Hampshire, England

I’ve connected to a man via the internet on a deeply emotional and open channel. I have, however, started to think that what we may have thought to be a romantic connection is actually more a karmic or soul journey. Are you able to connect any dots looking at both our charts? I’m still a novice when it comes to chart reading so would really appreciate any insights you may have.  ~ Sarah in South Africa

Love and spiritual growth go hand-in-hand. It’s no coincidence that more and more people are asking about deep, soul unions as humanity experiences a leap in consciousness. Once again, I will attempt to address what I consider to be one of the most burning issues of our time.

Samantha, there are definite sparks in the synastry chart with the gentleman whose birth data you provided, as well as some of the classic markers for a karmic connection. For example, your Moon is conjunct his lunar North Node, a major indicator of a karmic relationship. There are some positive aspects for a long-term commitment, too, notably his Sun in a tight trine to your Saturn.

However, there are a lot of problem areas in this chart, and it’s readily apparent why you were questioning the relationship. The biggest problem I see is that his Saturn is dead on your Ascendant. This suggests that you were carrying a heavy burden in this relationship, and not by your choice. The burden may have weighed you down so much that it sapped your spirit and sucked the life out of you. Sometimes we agree to carry a karmic burden for another person, but it’s a tough road to follow.

Another problem is that I don’t see much emotional fulfillment in this relationship for you. The love you feel is coming from you. That may be a source of joy, but love needs to be nurtured and fed, or it can’t survive. The fact that you feel such love and devotion is a victory. Not everyone has the capacity to love, so it is a wonderful gift when we are able to feel it so deeply. Spiritual growth and expanding consciousness require an open heart. It appears that this man did that for you, and now it’s time to move on.

Sarah, the first thing that jumps out at me in your chart with your Internet love interest is that his Sun and your Moon are quite close. This is a strong indication of a romantic relationship, and there are other indicators as well. You also have some strong karmic markers, as well as some signs of physical chemistry.

On the not-so-positive side, you have a Venus-Neptune conjunction, and that is a big, red flag that you need to keep your expectations in check, and it sounds like you are. Since his Sun and Saturn are conjunct, that also means your Moon and his Saturn are very close, and this sometimes inhibits the free flow of affection. Or, it’s possible that he’ll get cold feet and not want to meet after all.

I dabbled in Internet dating off and on, so I know the power of the mind connection. Internet attractions can be very emotional and, surprisingly, very sexually stimulating. However, everything changes when you meet in person and begin interacting on a regular basis. I always tell my clients who are having Internet relationships to meet as soon as you possibly can. And, while I hate to be a party pooper, I also tell them to keep their expectations low. Many people do marry after meeting on the Internet, but far more end up disappointed.

You are right to be cautious, Sarah, but I would give this one a chance and see how it goes. There is clearly a karmic lesson involved, and that, at least, is worth exploring further.

For anyone who’s interested, I offer a comprehensive synastry report, with an emphasis on soul connections, since so many people are asking about it these days. Whether you just met or have been married for some time, having your chart done can help you identify where you’ll have the easiest connection and where you may experience some challenges.

Thank you both for writing. I wish you much courage on your journey to love.

Aquarius, the sign of astrologyPat

Got a quick question? Click here to contact Ask Real Astrologers. You must use this form to contact me, or I won’t get your question. I do read all of your questions, although I am sorry that I can’t answer them all. If you need immediate guidance or in-depth advice, please contact me for a private consultation. THANKS!

Ask Real Astrologers: Are We Meant To Be Together?

Looking for AnswersThis week’s question comes from Pam in Florida:

I believe I am in a karmic relationship with a man I am in love with. He is married, although nothing has happened between us and we are only friends. I worked with him and grew to love his soul, and the love I feel is very deep, unlike anything I’ve ever felt before. I think he feels it, too, although he’s never said anything, but I can tell by the way he looks in my eyes. When the connection happened for me it was absolutely undeniable and I, too, felt like I met “the one.” Am I correct, or is he here only to aid in my growth?

Pam, you’re by no means in a unique situation. This is a question I get asked constantly, and I don’t believe it’s any coincidence that so many people are having this experience at the same time.

Something seems to have shifted in 1999, when we had a powerful eclipse accompanied by a grand fixed cross. Since that time, many of my clients and some of my friends have met a “soul mate” and, as a result, experienced a profound spiritual awakening. For a few people, it happened more than once. In several cases, the soul mate was married or committed to someone else.

So far, none of these people has ended up in a permanent, long-term relationship with the awakener, leading me to conclude that the purpose of these meetings is, as you say, to aid in our spiritual growth.

You didn’t supply the birth data for your love interest, but I am pretty sure it would show a karmic connection, as you clearly are having a karmic experience as a result of this meeting. Without your love interest’s data, it’s hard to know for sure, but I do see a couple of markers in your chart for growth, and so I’m inclined to say that this really is the purpose of your meeting.

Specifically, you have Jupiter and Uranus conjunct in the twelfth house, in a lovely trine with your eighth house Sun in Sagittarius. In addition, transiting Pluto is conjunct your natal Jupiter. Taken together, these transits suggest that you are ripe for a sudden leap in conscious awareness and a spiritual transformation. Embrace it!

As to why so many of us are experiencing an evolution in consciousness through a love experience, it’s not so hard to imagine. I touched on it in a Saturday Extra! post last week. It appears that the planetary shift in progress involves a realignment to bring the divine masculine and divine feminine energies into balance, but there’s a gap we need to bridge before we can unify the polarities. Humanity is a powerful expression of the divine mind, and therefore, I see this collective experience of connecting with an opposite as a sign that we are crossing the bridge.

Thanks for writing, Pam. My wish for you and for everyone is that we connect with that “perfect” other and move forward on our evolutionary path.

Aquarius, the sign of astrologyPat

Got a quick question? Click here to contact Ask Real Astrologers. You must use this form to contact me, or I won’t get your question. Be sure to fill out all the fields, and please spell out the month of your birthday. If you don’t know your time of birth, indicate “time unknown.” I do read all of your questions, although I am sorry that I can’t answer them all or respond as quickly as you need. If you’d like immediate guidance and in-depth advice, please contact me for a private consultation. THANKS!

Extra! Love in the Time of the T-Square, Part II

© Retrodiva88, Dreamstime

As we approach this summer’s T-square, we’re facing increasing polarization, conflict, and seemingly insurmountable obstacles, both within society as a whole and in our individual lives.

For many of us, the conflict is our basic survival — finding a job, paying rent, putting food on the table. For others, relationship issues are coming to a head. And for some, it is both.

I’ve heard several stories over the past week about young couples who are facing crushing marital problems, aggravated by a bad economy and financial stress. Indeed, financial stress is one of the top five reasons people divorce. So it’s hardly surprising (and you don’t need an astrologer to tell you) that a plunging economy is taking a toll on love, especially among couples who are young, inexperienced, and not used to weathering storms.

In last week’s Saturday Extra! column, I addressed one of the deepest core wounds on the planet, which I believe stems from an ancient separation of male and female energies. If you’re stuck in a relationship crisis, then you are experiencing this separation in its purist, basic form. But even if your obstacle is completely unrelated to relationships, I would bet that its underlying cause is a separation of some kind, possibly within yourself.

Regardless of the nature of your particular barrier — and just about everyone has one these days — it feels like there’s no way out. We are in the dark, feeling our way along the wall, looking for any opening, no matter how small. But maybe it’s not where we expect it to be. The opening, as I suggested last week, may be inside of us, in our own hearts and minds.

In our search for that opening, we may first have to reach some kind of closure. Inherent in every new beginning is an ending, and that’s the phase I believe we’re in now. Lots of things are ending, and many of us are in denial about it. That goes for relationships, too. Pluto, at the apex of the T-square, requires us to let go. If we attempt to hang onto what’s falling apart, if we refuse to make necessary changes, the stress and pressure on us will only get worse.

The New Moon symbolizes endings and beginnings. Today’s New Moon in Gemini isn’t closely connected to the cardinal T-square, but it provides an opening into the eclipse period, as the waxing Moon will peak at a lunar eclipse in conjunction with Pluto in cardinal Capricorn. Start feeling for those openings now!

Among those I heard from this past week was a brave young woman who is striking out on her own after a 10-year relationship. She was barely holding back the tears as she told me how scared she was, and yet she’s excited about having the opportunity for the first time in her adult life to explore her own gifts and to do the things that make her happy.

For those of you who are getting out of unhappy relationships, I want to offer encouragement. You are clearing the way for something better, and it can’t happen until you take this important first step. It is hard, but you are not alone.

Even if your relationship is solid, you may be struggling. The entire planet is under stress, and it’s affecting every aspect of our lives. Stay committed to each other, and you will break through to higher ground. With both of you feeling for that opening, you increase the chances of finding it.

Aquarius, the sign of astrologyPat

Saturday Extra: Tragic Love Stories

Hermia and Lysander, by Julius Simmons, 1870. Hermia and Lysander are lovers in Shakespeare's A Midsummer Night's Dream, from which we get the famous line, "The course of true love never did run smooth."

Libra Neith is usually the one who writes about synastry, so you might have expected that she would do our Valentine’s Day post. Well, Libra also is religious about taking turns, and this week it’s my turn!

I started thinking about the greatest love stories of all time and then ran across a Live Science feature in the news headlines that began like this:

Nothing celebrates Valentine’s Day quite like a good love story. And by good, we mean tragic, of course.

How true! When you think of the greatest love stories of all time, do you remember the ones with the happy endings? Of course not. We remember those where the heroine poisons herself, the hero dies after one night of passion, or someone betrays the lovers, dooming them to remain separated forever.

The Live Science story cites five tragic tales from the history books, but fiction is just as tragic, if not more so. When we think of star-crossed lovers, Romeo and Juliet come immediately to mind. In Celtic mythology, we have Tristan and Isolde, and we might think of Lancelot and Guinevere as well. In contemporary film, there’s Kate Winslet and Leonardo DiCaprio in Titanic, Nicole Kidman and Jude Law in Cold Mountain, and Winona Ryder and Gary Oldman in Dracula. Indeed, in Francis Ford Coppola’s rendition of that age-old tale, the hero is cursed with becoming a monster through betrayal that results in the death of his true love.

As an astrologer, I’m always looking for the astrological angle in these stories. Are there markers to indicate a tragic love? Unfortunately, our fictitious lovers don’t have birth charts, nor do we have precise data for couples from ancient history. However, I’ve seen enough charts to make some observations.

Venus rules love, while the Moon rules emotional attachments. For sexual desire and passion, we look at Mars and Pluto. Any of these planets in conflicting aspect to Saturn in a synastry chart between two individuals can mean trouble, as Saturn limits and also carries karmic implications. So, for example, a conjunction of Saturn and Venus might indicate a love affair that is hindered in some way. Likewise, a Moon-Saturn square could indicate great emotional suffering, while a Mars-Saturn square might indicate a violent breakup.

It’s also useful to look at the lunar nodes and chart angles, including the Vertex. For chart angles and also for the exact degree of the Moon, we need a birth time. The nodes and the Vertex in particular give us an indication of karmic connections; in other words, whether these two are soul mates.

As I’ve commented many times before, having a soul mate may sound romantic, but it’s hard work. Add to that the potential for a tragic ending, and you may start wishing that you never meet yours!

Happy Valentine’s Day.
Aquarius, the sign of astrologyPat

Happy V Day from Neith
Happy Valentine’s Day from Neith


Saturday Archives: When Will I Find Love?

Of all the posts I’ve written for my blog, The Pisces Chronicles, this one continues to get several hits a week. And with a powerful solar eclipse coming up this week in my seventh house of relationships, it’s a topic that is foremost in my mind.

When we’re talking among ourselves, astrologers often lament that the question we get most often is, “When will I find love?” or the even lower version, “Will he come back to me?”

Well, I just love it when people ask about love, no matter what version of the question they ask!

There’s no greater treasure in life than true love. It’s what we’re here for, and it’s what we all want, in our deepest heart of hearts. When you get right down to it, what else is there? That so many people are asking about it – even in what we consider to be an “unenlightened” way – is very encouraging.

It means they have started down the path.

I’m going to digress for a minute and talk about the Hollywood movie plot. In the mid-1990s, Chris Vogler circulated a paper at his studio about how the journey of the mythical hero could be incorporated into scripts to make the story more compelling. He drew heavily on the work of Joseph Campbell, notably The Hero with a Thousand Faces. His formula was so successful that he ended up writing a book, The Writer’s Journey, which is now on the must-read list of every Hollywood screenwriter.

The reason I mention it is that, while it might not be immediately obvious, the hero’s journey is extremely relevant to romance films, be they serious love stories or romantic comedies. After all, what is the classic formula “boy meets girl, boy loses girl, boy gets girl back” if not a hero’s journey? The story starts with desire – the strongest desire human beings ever feel – and that puts the hero or heroine on a path of testing, trials, and self-discovery as they get closer to what they really want. Pay attention the next time you watch a romance film, and you’ll see this formula at work.

Astrology is an extremely cerebral discipline. Contrary to what many people think, you have to be very bright to understand all the math involved, to grasp the nature of the various planetary energies and how they interact with each other, to keep so much information in your head, and to be able to recall it on demand and see how it applies in a given chart or situation. Of course, someone thought of writing a book called Astrology for Dummies, but the fact is, there’s no such thing, because if you’re really a dummy, you won’t get it.

And, good astrologers have to be more than just smart. We also have to have excellent intuition, because astrology is both a science and an art. The best astrologers are those rare individuals whose left and right brains are in synch.

Because we are so cerebral and so immersed in our subject, we are easily trapped into using astrology as an intellectual exercise to avoid having to actually live. The special knowledge we have of how the Universe works does not make us immune to having to feel what everyone else feels. The fact is that love is extremely scary, because it’s the one thing that forces us to face up to ourselves. Could that be why we hate the common question so much?

When a client asks me about love, my response is, “Let’s have a look at your chart.” Inside, I’m smiling, because I know that she doesn’t have a clue what she’s really asking, especially if she’s very young. But of course I don’t tell her that. She’ll figure out soon enough that anyone who is seeking true love has to go through a complete metamorphosis. Fortunately, there’s no better tool for helping the process along than astrology. The tests and trials that come in a romantic relationship ultimately have to do with the self, and astrology is incredibly efficient in this regard, because it allows the client to step outside herself and get some distance. Once her perceptions are validated, she can get out of the pit of guilt, shame, and blame that keep her stuck.

So that’s my devious plan: help people on their quest for love, and the world ultimately will be a better place.

What I really want to know, though, is when will I find true love?